Today I woke up a little blue. It happens to me from time to time. Sometimes it's because I have an unsettling dream. This morning I was feeling bad about the Afghanistan Affair, the Speed Dating Debacle, and the Restraining Order Ordeal. I mean, I don't FEEL like a mutant. How can this relationship thing be so damn easy for everyone else and so impossibly hard for me? Obviously I am a freak.
That was my frame of mind. Not so festive.
I decide a good walk in the brisk (but sunny) outdoors will help me get out of my funk. I get dressed, so outside and get the papers. I glance at the USA TODAY headline "For investors, "bloodbath" reflects fear." Oh, great - BLOODBATH - that's helpful. That's uplifting. Not only am I a mutant freak with a over sized personality, I am now engulfed in a BLOODBATH. What will be next? Should I put out an Amber Alert for my money?
Maybe I should take out a personal ad - "Single woman with a larger than average personality seeks soul mate. She enjoys floating in a pool of her own blood, worrying about the future, and hanging out with scientists."
I know USA TODAY is in the business of selling papers. I know front page stories about blood baths will sell. What happened to all that talk about "Hope" and "Change"? This is more like that old "Hee, Haw" song:
Doom, despair and agony on me
Deep dark depression, excessive misery
If it weren't for bad luck,
I'd have no luck at all.
Doom, despair and agony on me!
Well SCREW THAT!!
Here's one of my favorite lines and I'm sorry I don't have a source to attribute it to:
The North Wind has made the Vikings.
I say, "Bring it! Make me a Viking."
Bring it, Recession! I made all that money and you can take it all and I'll make it again.
Bring it, Speed Daters! Damn right, I have a big personality - and it's that personality that will get me through ANYTHING that this life can throw at me.
Bring it, Heartbreak! It didn't kill me, it made me smarter.
Bring it, Arthritis! Remind me that I don't have forever on this Earth and make me enjoy every second of every single day.
You don't become a Viking when life is easy. You become a Jamaican. You become a Paris Hilton. Your biggest accomplishment is spending Daddy's money.
So go ahead, USA TODAY. Do your best. Try to break me with your stories of fear. You are but the North Wind. I am a Viking.
Are you going to let life (the government, the media, your employer, your family, your health, etc.) make you a whining mess? Or are you going to stand up and be a Viking?
I said it before and I'm saying it again - stop whining and get an axe.