The Method Behind My Madness

Hi Gang! Forgive the slackness in my posting - I'm on my way out to a gig in Vegas. Which means pics of the amazing chocolate fountain in the Bellagio for YOU! But since I have a freakin' three hour layover in the Dallas airport - I'll be talking to you.

There's actually an great article about chocolate and Vegas that ran in the LA Times:

http://travel.latimes.com/articles/la-tr-vegas10feb10

And I'm going to try to hit all these hot spots. But no promises. Who knows what might happen in Vegas?

However, I can assure you that whatever happens in Vegas will not stay in Vegas.

I thought I would take this opportunity to fully explain what must seem like a bizarrely disjointed or perhaps a completely desperate effort on my part to find someone cool to date. Let me assure you it is neither. I am totally not desperate - I am a little blue over the Afghanistan Affair, but I've been single for almost 12 years now. If I were desperate, I've had some chances. Hey - there was restraining order man!

As far as disjointed - not that either. Here's the plan (honed over many years of experimentation). Profile posted on match.com - this seems to be the best of the dating sites. E-harmony is a pain and the "matches" are creepy. You can't pick your own people - you only get what they send you. I got a guy who wanted to do ballroom dancing (GLAACK - I'll go for salsa, even swing, but screw ballroom. I'm saving that for my golden years. Maybe.) and another guy who's biggest hobby was growing orchids. Hmmmm.....lets' see - I'll be lifting at the gym and he'll be tending his orchids? Are you kidding me? I find flower tending almost as sexy as SI.

I've also checked out some of the other sites, but the freak factor was very high. And I do mean freaks. One guy e-mailed and asked me if my feet were as pretty as the rest of me. Eew! And we won't go into detail about the man who posted a picture of himself in latex. And there was the woman who e-mailed to ask me if I might want to have a threesome with her and her husband. Ahhh......the stories I can tell. Who needs Vegas? I've got all this happening in my home office!

So match.com is the best. And I have met some really nice guys and a few really big jerks. Unfortunately I seem to be attracted to the jerks. It's the initial appearance of a BP. The Afghanistan Affair was a match.comer. I accept full responsibility for my attraction to jerks and I am trying to do better. Thus - the words "restraining order" and "separated" send me running.

Now remember - I've met a lot of nice guys, so don't go thinking Internet dating is a bad thing. It's a great way to meet people especially if you work for yourself (no work contacts) and you don't think hanging out in a bar is enjoyable. And no, church is not in the cards, so don't even go there.

So I got that going on. It's a mixed bag and I am a hard ass. I don't really want to date someone with three or more small children. I don't want to date someone who mentions Jesus more than 5 times in his profile. And the latest guy who contacted me just set up a zip line from his back porch to the river behind his house. I don't know about you, but that makes me think of "Deliverance."

Now before you start giving me crap about being too picky - I give lots of guys a chance. I'll exchange a few e-mails and see if they have any life. If they seem like they might, I'll talk to them on the phone. Several blow it here - you wouldn't believe the things people tell you! But if they get through all this - I'll meet them. I've met some nice guys who just didn't do it for me and some weirdos and some guys I didn't do it for. You, dear readers, get the best of the stories.

As of today - and this is since the end of the Afghanistan Affair at the beginning of February - 2775 men have viewed my profile. Now I assume there are duplicates in there, but you can't ask for better exposure. Roughly 150 men have contacted me, I've gone on 7 dates and have 2 more set up. Several guys were screened out over the phone. Some I quit e-mailing because they were so damn boring. One guy spelled honest, onist. And judging by the rest of his writing, we're not talking typo. Call me crazy, but I like a little literacy in my men. The truth is, if a guy can't make me laugh or at least be interesting, why bother?

Okay, you heard about the speed dating. That was 20 guys. I scared them.

The other piece of the strategy is Meetup. This is a huge website - check it out http://www.meetup.com/ that has about a billion different groups. Everything from knitting to hiking to dating. I, of course, have joined the singles group. They are set up by age - I started with the 40s and 50s group - thinking I'd rather be a hot, young member than a trolling cougar (I'm 43). But I found that men drop down - so all the guys in their 50s were at the 40s/30s group. Men seem to have no sense of their lack of hotness. I mean, some guys in their 50s are hot, no doubt. But most are not - at least not to someone 15 years younger. It's kind of creepy when these guys hit on you. And at the 40s/50s group the guys hitting on me were in their 60s. I was not diggin' it.

So, every Tuesday if I'm not traveling, working, or on a date, I try to go to the 30s/40s meetup.

Here's a pic from St. Patty's Day:

See the name tag I'm wearing? It doesn't say Marcy.

So far? Mixed results - have met several separated people. A few weirdos - one story I am sure I will share with you. And a lot of really nice guys I am not attracted to. But it's early in the game! And I really like to go to hang out with my buddy Carole - yes, the SI got her name right - she's in the pic with me. She is good enough to tolerate my random jokes (I am SO going to hell for the things I say about other attendees) and is a fellow chocolate lover. It was Carole who brought me the Vosges Bacon Bar.

So - that's the dating strategy and where all these random stories come from.

Upcoming - chocolate report from Vegas and the Easter candy!!!!!! See's sent me some awesome eggs, so we will be having an Eggstravanza!! I've even purchased a couple of the evil Russell Stover to give them a 100th chance. Stay tuned! And if you have any advice on the dating (other than the BS "if it is meant to be it will happen"), send it on! I say that is BS because both my UPS man and my postman are married. Those are the only men I see on a regular basis.

Viva Las Vegas!!!