A Chocolate Sheep in Wolf's Clothing

You all know I appreciate it when companies make new, special products for the holidays. Not just different wrappers, but actual different chocolates - either their shape or color or flavor - it's festive and I like it!

But sometimes, there is just a truly pathetic rip-off.

I saw these and thought they were something special for the holidays:

Imagine my surprise when I opened the box and saw that all Mars did was slide a festive box over the same old product:

Oh - so Mars killed all those extra trees for THAT? Just to fool suckers like me? (Some body call the Naked cowboy! Maybe we can get in on his lawsuit!)

They even changed the plate the Twixels sit on to a fancy Christmas plate But it's just the same ol' Twixels. Cheaters. Here's what they look like inside:

Each one is only 35 calories, but trust me, if you open this package, you ain't eating just one.

I like Twix okay - I like the cookie, chocolate, caramel thing. In comparing these three flavors, however, Triple Chocolate is too chocolately for me.

French Vanilla is pretty good, especially if you're a big vanilla fan. It would be my second choice.

Caramel is my favorite. Now I wouldn't send you out in a rush to get these, unless you're having a party. If you're like me, once I start eating these little sticks, I find it hard to stop. Better to just get a bar - there's more caramel and the portion is controlled way better. And this holiday scam just pisses me off.

Speaking of pissing me off, look at this packaging fiasco:

Now this little box looked kind of cute, cost about $6 and seemed to have 4 cute chocolates in it. Well, when you pull the ribbon on the bottom and open it, it unfolds into this:

The first flap has a gift tag you can complete. The second part reads, "You must have been very good this year." And the third panel holds the chocolate - I've removed the cover here:

THIS is what you get for being good? Look at how freakin' tiny these things are:

Yes, that is a Q-Tip. Yes, these are about the size of a dime. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? All that for this? That's just wrong.

Let's see how the damn things taste. The one with the green Christmas trees is milk chocolate pecan pie flavored. The taste? Nothing like pecan pie (they were too tiny to autopsy, by the way). Tastes kind of chocolately, but that's it. What the hell?

Okay - let's try the gingerbread man (I do think these are cute, but I'm finding it hard to get past the microscopic size.) These are supposed to be milk chocolate gingerbread flavored. Okay, maybe a hint of gingerbread, maybe. But nothing to write home about. We've had much better gingerbread options.

The red and purple circles decorate dark chocolate brandied cherry flavored. Slight cherry taste - Hershey's cherry cordial creme Kisses are WAY, WAY better than this. There are many better cherry options.

And the final polka dotted one is dark chocolate spiced orange flavored. This one wasn't too bad - had the most flavor. of all the chocolates.

Summary - Twix bars are better and I hate being tricked. That choxie box is a complete rip-off.

Once again, we learn we can't judge a book by it's cover. You can wear a Santa suit and still be a Grinch. You can dress like a success and still be a complete failure. You can even tattoo a gingerbread man on your chocolate self and not even taste like gingerbread!

Why are we so susceptible to this? We don't want to spend the time. We don't want to really get to know the average looking guy at the bar when the really hot guy is flirting with us. We don;'t want to have to really look at the book, we'd rather just pick up the one with the most interesting looking cover.

So what do we do?

Learn from your mistakes. Where do you tend to make mistakes based on appearance? I know mine - all these hot guys I date who eventually treat me poorly. If I slowed down and got to know them better, I would have seen that they were not attractive at all on the inside where it really counts.

Slow down! I need to pay more attention to the weight of the chocolate, maybe then I would realize how much cardboard I was buying and how little chocolate.

Make it work for you! Realize that you will be judged by your cover. Make it the best you can - you want to make sure people get to know how awesome you are - don't let them pass you by because of your wrapper.

Just ask the Naked Cowboy.

Old Time Religion

Okay, as if my mere mention of the dreaded Chick-O-Stick was not enough, look at this great review from my friend Jonny of Candy Gurus:

http://candygurus.blogspot.com/2009/02/chick-o-stick-islander-treat.html

He's in Hawaii right now on vacation, lounging around and blogging about candy. The Recession isn't raining on his parade either! Go Jonny!!

It makes me want to actually eat one of Dem Chicken Bones.

So, what do we learn by this trip to Mast General Store?

Candy is the drug of choice during the recession. Hey, you don't have to believe me! In Tuesday's edition of USA TODAY, the Sr. VP of Marketing at Ghirardelli said, "In hard times, chocolate is comforting and affordable." Uh - actually chocolate is always comforting and affordable. That's the best he's got?

Ghirardelli's 2009 sales are projected to surpass those of 2008. Hershey's also reported strong sales. (Clearly this is a direct result of this blog. And of all the chocolate I give out in my seminars. See, I TOLD you I was bailing out the chocolate makers!!! Who else would buy a $50 5 lb. Hershey bar?)

But I digress.

The bottom line is that we love our candy. It makes us feel better, it's fun, and it's relatively inexpensive. Candy is great.

Another possible lesson is that we might actually return to some simpler pleasures. I don't know about this for sure - we've gone pretty far down the path away from this. Just today I saw people out walking their dogs and all of them were on their cell phones. The dogs interacted way more than the humans did.

But nostalgic candy does remind us of our childhoods - of Halloween, of family holidays, of summer fun. I remember my Dad coming home from work and bringing me Now and Laters. I loved them because I loved my Dad. Well, maybe I loved my Dad because I loved Now and Laters.....but you get the point. Love was involved...in some way. Life was simpler and not so scary then - or so we like to remember.

I just know that candy makes me happy - it did then and it does now. And I am clearly not alone.

Some of these crazy candies show us that if something is really good to four or five people, chances are it's good to many others. You don't have to sell as many Cherry Mash bars (are they really bars? More like Cherry Mash balls) as Snickers bars to still turn a profit. And with the Internet, small candy companies can get the word out and reach a larger market. They have a much tougher time getting into the grocery stores where Hershey and Mars have distribution locked up.

Some of them, however, might want to consider upgrading. I don't have access to their sales figures, but Kits are really sub par. And the process to make all those crappy little squares and wrap them all individually surely can't be completely cheap. Unless they are making a fortune, maybe they could try to get better?

I overheard a teenager in Mast commenting "These are all the candies that have gone out of business!" Obviously this teen was not the sharpest tool in the shed. After all, if the companies had gone out of business who did she think was making the candy? And I don't think that candies go out of business, the companies that make the candies go out of business, but you can appreciate what she was thinking. Maybe if she had texted her thought it would have been more literate.

Just because something has been around a long time doesn't mean it's good. But just because something is new doesn't mean it's good either. If the only competitive advantage you have is that you've been around a long time, you better reconsider. For example - Squirrel Nut Zippers are bad - they look greasy and creepy in their wrappers and don't taste much better. But that's a kicking name and I bet they could do some research, improve the product, and laugh all the way to the bank! That French Taffy was awesome!! But the packaging needs a serious redo. If it looked better and more people tried it, I swear they'd be hooked. The stuff is good! Work what you've got!!

These candies are all a lot like us - not everyone of us can be a Snickers (a Brad Pitt if you will), hogging all the shelf space, making millions, getting all the press. But we can all be great enough to have good friends and a great life. We can still draw a crowd at Mast General Store! Make the most of what makes you unique and special and keep developing those traits or growing in new directions. You'll have your fans - even if you are a Chicken Bone.

You Go (Away), Hershey

There's good marketing and there's outright theft.

Back in September I reviewed Seattle Chocolate's Chick Chocolates (sent to me by my good friend Toby Page). Now these are damn good chocolates - and the flavors vary according to the "Chick." Nutty Chick has nuts, Survivor Chick has raspberry, etc.

Now look at these:

Shame, Hershey, shame! This is a blatant rip-off of a great idea.

These are called You Go! and they have Sporty Girl, Drama Girl, All-American Girl, Social Girl, Fashion Girl, and Funny Girl. (Just call me Vomit Girl.) I am sick that those are the qualities they chose - what about Smart Girl? or Loyal Girl? or Caring Girl? or Geek Girl? Drama, Social and Fashion Girl - please! At least Seattle Chocolates had Survivor Girl (for breast cancer).

And all that is inside are a few Kisses - nothing exciting - all the same. The descriptions of all the girls are also eerily similar. Teenagers will probably snap these up. But the chocolate inside and the concept is a thousand times better as done by Seattle Chocolate - and those target women, not girls.

I think if you steal an idea and make it better, I can get behind it. Hey, after all, there is nothing new under the sun. But if you make it worse? If you didn't get why it was cool in the first place? That's criminal.

You know, Fashion Girl looks a lot like Posh Spice (Victoria Beckham). Maybe we could get her to pull a Naked Cowboy and sue. Where are flaky "celebrities" when you need them? Maybe we could call Lawyer Girl. Or better yet, Judge Girl.

And maybe even Executioner Girl.

You go, Girls.

Valentine Kisses

I do think that Valentine's Day is the perfect holiday for Hershey's Kisses. I mean, is there a candy better suited? And they definitely pulled out all the stops this year!

I already reviewed these, but they really are hard to stop eating! And they are members of the Kiss family:

This is just a packaging issue, but I like it! I bought some for my clients:

They all deserve a Big Kiss! But in the age of political correctness, I sure can't give them a real one.

And how cute are these little guys? They only come with three kisses in them, but they are adorable! I have all three sitting on the top of my computer monitor right now.

Now, I don't know if these are special for Valentine's Day, but they are DELICIOUS!!!! And you guys know raspberry is not my favorite flavor. But I cannot stop eating them - they are really, really good. I say get yourself some of these in case they are only available around Valentine's Day. You deserve it. Actually let's face it - you deserve a lot more. At least get yourself some damn candy!

They could look a little better - but the taste more than makes up for the appearance. It's possible mine melted a bit and that impacted the finish.

Now I know these are not for Valentine's Day, but I just found them, so here we go:

Okay - I was really surprised when I opened these! I was expecting 5 wrapped Kisses. But no! These were unwrapped and look how big they are! I put a normal Kiss in for comparison:

I was most excited about Cheesecake, but Cherry was much better. Cheesecake needed more cheesecake and less chocolate. Not impressed. Don't bother. But Cherry was pretty darn good! (And you guys know cherry is not my favorite. But these rocked!)

This is some really brilliant expansion of the product line. Different flavors, creative packaging - all paying off the iconic Kiss shape. What is important here is not the quality of the chocolate, it's the marketing (in this case distribution) and the shape - we recognize it and we love it.

What's the lesson? You don't have to be the best at everything, maybe not even what others would tell you is the main thing. (In this case the quality of the chocolate.) Figure out what you can be best at - and go for it! Hershey made streetlights for the town in the shape of Kisses. They were fun and easy, unique and joyful. And look where they are today!

This Valentine's Day - fall in love with your joy and uniqueness - therein lies your real power. Big Kisses to all of you for reading!!!!