Many, Many Malted Milk Eggs

I have fond memories of eating malted milk eggs as a kid - but I remember all that colored stuff coming off and getting all over my mouth. I swear I remember my brother's lips being blue after eating a blue malted milk egg! They don't make them like that anymore. : (

I seldom crave malted milk balls, but I like them alright. And at Easter time they seem to pop up everywhere as you shall see. And since I have now autopsied so many I know a bit about their secrets (which I shall reveal to you).

You know I had to see if Trader Joe's had any Easter Candy and sure enough:

They even give us some history on the carton:

Here, here!!

Yep - definitely egg shaped. Coated in chocolate with no outer candy coating or coloring. These are delicious and the chocolate is very, very good.

You KNOW Whoppers is going to do something! They have both regular size

and mini Robin Eggs:

Nice bright colors as advertised:

There we have an outer candy shell and a thin inner coating of chocolate. These are really good - and you can have almost twice as many for the same calories as Trader Joe's! And I don't mean twice as many mini's! It's because Joe's has more more rich, delicious chocolate. But these are really addictive and good.

The autopsy of the Mighty Malts eggs from Necco reveals something very horrifying:

NO CHOCOLATE!!! AAAIIIEEE!!! They have two types of malted eggs - one is Ice Cream Shoppe with the flavors strawberry, orange, chocolate, and cookie dough - this refers to the malted milk part - the coating doesn't seem to have much flavor. These remind me of cereal flavors - the strawberry tastes just like the Crunchberries in Captain Crunch cereal. The orange is really strong and sugary - heck these are all strong and sugary and fake tasting - kids would probably LOVE them! Me - not so much.

These are just regular old malt balls:

coated in a weird candy coating. Remember - no chocolate. Boo!!! I say. Boo!!!

Necco also makes the PAAS eggs. Interesting - the others are under the Mighty Malts brand and the Necco logo is nowhere to be seen - until you flip the bag over and look at the fine print.

These have a thin layer of chocolate:

and are the best of the three Necco offerings. I can't decide if I like them better than the Whoppers or not - they are larger and don't have the hard candy shell. Both are pretty good.

These are offered by Williams-Sonoma and Jelly Belly (I told you we'd get to those that were in the Deluxe Easter Mix!):

I think they are both made by Jelly Belly although the Williams-Sonoma bag says theirs are made exclusively for them. They taste the same, have the same ingredients, and the same autopsy results:

Get the Jelly Belly ones - I found them at Hallmark - they are $3.00 cheaper than the Williams- Sonoma ones. As pretty as these are, they were hard as rocks compared to some of the competition. The taste was okay - not impressive since these are the most expensive.

I swear these two are identical (same colors, same ingredients, same taste and autopsy results). One I found in Cracker Barrel:

And the other I found in Target:

These are good too! The candy shell is thinner than the Whoppers shell, which I actually like a little better. I'm not at all sure who makes these babies - each package just lists a distributor, not the actual maker. Another Easter mystery.

This is a Spring offering from Harry and David:

Now, I should like these! The candy coating is nice, they have a thick layer of chocolate, but for some reason - these were a no go. It was like the malted part didn't have any taste. All I had to do was eat one and then eat a Traders Joe's egg - the difference was clear. If it's going to be a malt ball it has to have that crazy crunch in the middle - it was kind of lacking here. Disappointing.

These have nothing to do with Easter, but since we're on a malted milk ball roll, check out these by World Market:

peanut butter!!!! Woohoo!!!

Yowzaa!!! These are really, really good! Very peanut buttery!! A+++

So here are the rankings as far as I'm concerned:

Peanut butter was the best, but it's not really an Easter Treat, so after that - I'd have to go with Trader Joe's.

Next up I'd go with Necco's Paas, closely followed by the Whoppers Robin Eggs.

The mystery brand is really, really close to those two. I had no idea how challenging ranking malted milk eggs could be! Who knew?

The prettiest (and most expensive) were last. (Williams-Sonoma and Jelly Belly)

The spring H & D ones weren't officially Easter treats, but if they were, they would be the worst.

Well, now I've eaten enough malted milks balls to last me the rest of my life.

The lesson - all things in moderation, all things in moderation.

Chocolate Christmas Shopping

Tracy and I hit the stores on Saturday (I know - crazy, right?) and everyplace was pretty packed. Recession over? We're all just bored? Last minute panic? Who knows? But I was still looking for candy. (I mean, it ain't over till it's over!) And I found a few missing items I felt compelled to cover.

First there's another Christmas Whopper. This is just the regular old Whopper in a Christmas box. Not bad, not extraordinary - I like the Sno-balls better. And you know how I feel about the attempt to trick us by only changing the packaging. But this is pretty cute packaging and these would make a great stocking stuffer.

Where I really missed the sleigh was with peppermint. I don't really love peppermint and chocolate, but I can't escape it this time of year. First there's a new Bliss (at least new to me) and not specifically Christmas, but what the hell:

These were not my fav. In fact, I'm going to go so far as to say that I don't like these at all. There's some funky aftertaste. Toothpaste? Lighter fluid? Poison?

Tracy spotted these at Target, and they are pretty festive. Look how gorgeous:

There are four in the pack - and the best part? No Martha Stewart!!! Yay!!

They are really thin:

Wow! This is my favorite peppermint bark - love the thinness - making it not too chocolately and not too rich. Love the crunchy peppermint chunks on top and LOVE, LOVE, LOVE how pretty it is! Also like the dark and white chocolate with the peppermint (rather than milk and white like Ghirardelli). And I almost didn't try it! Thanks, Tracy, for spotting it! Thanks, Dove, for making it! And thanks, Martha, for not ruining it with your lame advice.

And now I have some pics of my favorite peppermint/chocolate combo (other than the Dove bark -it's moved to the top spot for me!):

The Lindor truffle is just so amazingly smooth and creamy it's hard to beat. It has the best chocolate, but I really like those festive peppermint chunks on the Dove bark. I like the mix of textures and the Dove bark is just so damn pretty! If you see the Dove bark - get it - it's fantastic!!!

We also spotted these and I had to get them for my tree:

How great are those?? I love them! $1 at Target and they have candy in them. Now, don't get excited about the candy, this is all that in there:

That's pretty weak, huh? How about the TWO Tootsie Rolls? I mean, why even bother? But I really do like the ornaments - look for them in the stocking stuffer section of Target if you like them too.

I thought I'd leave you with some tips Martha might share:

Get to the stores early, they won't be as crowded.

Wear comfortable shoes while shopping so you don't get crabby.

Consider taking endless hours to make gifts by hand. Your time isn't worth nearly as much as mine, so you might as well waste it.

Don't scream obscenities or make rude hand gestures in the parking lot. Some of the women I met in prison have been released.

And finally,

If you are allergic to any foods, don't eat them.

Happy Shopping!!!!

Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow!

Ah wintertime down south! The weather people said it might snow today and by noon YESTERDAY we had already salted the roads and cleaned the milk and bread out of the grocery stores. Snow freaks us out. And, hey, I'm all for the freak out - I can't drive in the ice and snow. And judging by all the wrecks we have, neither can anyone else.

But I love the look of snow - so pretty!! And I love the idea of chocolate snow!! So here's our chocolate winter wonderland:

Look at these adorable chocolate snowmen from Lindt!

Not sure why he has a broom. If there were two brooms they could be arms. But one broom? I dunno - maybe it's a Swiss yuletide story. I don't even care enough to Google it. I prefer to think it's random and weird. There's just not enough random weirdness in the world.

These are good - Lindt chocolate is always good. They are hollow, so there's not much to them. Cute, though. Would be great decorations/party favors.

Check these out from Cadbury:

These are, quite frankly, addictive. They are like really, really good M & M's (good because there is more and better chocolate) coated in powdered sugar. Or maybe it's cocaine.

I got them at World Market and they are fantastic.

More snowballs:

These are malted milk balls covered with chocolate, then white chocolate, then white powdered sugar. They are good, but not as good as the Cadbury Snow Bites. Not enough chocolate.

There's a problem with all of this powdered sugar, however:

This was just after taking the pictures! Give these messy things to children at your own risk. Good God! At least real snow melts.

A less messier snowball:

Whoppers Sno-Balls! I reviewed these last year. They're good (they ain't no Snow Bites, mind you) but they are a helluva lot less messy - candy coating, no powdered sugar. The red and green dots get a little out of control sometimes (see the green blob sn0-ball) but overall they are pretty good. It's a malt-ball thing. If you like 'em, you'll like these (and they are WAY cheaper than the Harry & David ones).

But look at these:

After the way cool tin, this is a bit of a let down, but it gets better:

These are "a truffle-like fudge center, enrobed in a creamy white coating, and a snowfall of coconut on top" according to Harry & David. My description - "Holy smokes! Get me a glass of milk!" These are VERY rich. Fudge-like? I don't think so - I think they ARE fudge. And you know how rich fudge is! And I don't know what the "creamy white coating" actually is, but it's pretty rich too. These are very good and it would be great to have one. Only one. Ever.

Snow is an amazing thing, isn't it? Every flake different. And I have to admit, I like my people like that - yep - a little flaky and different. The kind of people who might read a candy blog. The kind of people who laugh out loud and don't care who hears them. The kind of people who are real - and everyone of you I've come to know is real - authentic - a gift. So I say again, let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!!!!

So Much Candy, So Little Time

Geez - Easter is here and there's so much more candy to review! (Hey, if that's the biggest problem I have, I'm pretty darn lucky, huh? It's all about perspective.) Things are still on track with the guy I like - I hate to talk too much about it - afraid I'll jinx it. Suffice it to say, if I go down in flames, I'll let you know.

We've seen in past holidays that some candy makers just throw out the same old stuff in a different package. Well, we have some of that with Easter. The Least Possible Holiday Effort award goes to Tootsie Roll:

Okay - could this packaging be any uglier? This is the most depressing Spring packaging EVER. Boo!!!

Now Tootsie did better with the Pops:

They have an egg shape! Creative! Not the world's most festive wrapper - how about a chick or a bunny? But at least not so suicidal. Look at the egg pops:



That blue thing is raspberry (NOT my fav), pink (cherry) was good. I don't know why these are colored so differently than the regular Tootsie Pops. I mean, it's not like these are some crazy spring colors. But I like the idea and it is a different candy for the season. I also think these have a better Tootsie to Pop ratio than the regular pops. But it's possible that's my imagination. I honestly don't care enough to really try and figure that out. It hurts my brain to think about actually (weights, ratios, ugh).

These are all solid entries - you already know what you're going to get. Kissables (which I like) has some great Easter colors and a rabbit. I like chicks and rabbits and think they should be on all Easter candy wrappers.

When I was a kid we used to get malted milk eggs (robin eggs) in our Easter baskets. I remember my little brother getting all pastel coloring all over his mouth. Or maybe he would just chew one up and get me to look at his as he opened his mouth. Little brothers are experts in gross. But I don't think they make these like they used to. Here's what I could find:

Okay - there's a robin CARRYING an egg! (Do you think that's an African or a European robin?)Whoppers remind me the most of the taste of the eggs I remember, but the colors are too garish:

Of course, after those Tootsie Roll wrappers, these are a Godsend.

These fancy-schmancy ones are from Williams-Sonoma. More florescent than the ones I remember and (trust me) WAY more expensive, but these are the best of the malted milk eggs. The only thing I didn't like about them is that the green ones actually have a little lime flavor to the candy coating. I wasn't too keen on that. But the chocolate layer is definitely of a high quality. And they are pretty. I like pretty.









NECCO rejoins the candy party with PAAS splashed malted milk eggs in ice cream flavors:

Okay - let's just slow down here. PAAS makes Easter egg dye, right? I mean, the name is synonymous with Easter, but.....on candy? And do we really need ice cream flavors? And when the hell did orange become an ice cream flavor? Aren't we talking sherbet here? What the hell is going on?





Look at that purple and orange monstrosity! GLAACK! YUCK! Too orange, too ugly. Strawberry tastes like the crunch berries in Captain Crunch coated with some waxy strawberry stuff. Vanilla is okay as is chocolate, but there's no malt here. All taste like some kind of bad cereal. These have the feel of a candy made in a third world country. But on a good note, they do have both a rabbit and a duck on the package.

Look at this confectionery artistry from Germany for Williams-Sonoma:




These are chocolate truffle eggs and they are gorgeous as well as delicious:

From the horrifying to the sublime, Easter candy offers something for everyone. It's all there for you to enjoy! (And on Monday it will be half price!)

And remember in the great Easter Egg hunt of life:

1.) Sometimes what you're looking for is right under your nose.

2.) The early bird gets the most eggs.

3.) The real winner is the one who had the most fun.

4.) You are grown up when you have more fun helping the other kids find the eggs.

5.) If the Easter bunny doesn't make you smile, you need to loosen up.

6.) The only things you'll find in the hunt that you can take with you are your memories. Fill your days with good ones.

So wear the biggest Easter bonnet you can find, share your candy, and stop and smell the flowers. Life is sweet and all too short - savor every second.