Monday, March 9, 2009

Nobody Knows the Truffles I've Seen

Last night a man I've never met tried to talk me into having his baby.

I don't even have to go on the dates now. I can just talk to the seemingly normal guys who contact me on on the phone. Some of them will go ahead and cross themselves off the list within a matter of minutes.

I don't even have to be very astute with my questions. One man asked me what I did for a living, I told him and asked what he did. He went on to tell me he was recovering from some mysterious illness and had several part time positions and was hoping something better would come along. I'm sorry, if this is your life in your forties I don't want to date you. For some reason, pity doesn't draw me to a man.

The man last night got off to a bad start by asking me how was treating me. Well, you all know how it's been treating me - restraining orders, abused football players, etc. (There have been one or two normal guys, but no spark.) But I have had several dates, and I'm not starting off a conversation with a new guy with a pity party! So I said it was treating me fine - how about him? He said he didn't know what was wrong with him, that he knew he wasn't the handsomest guy out there. That he'd been on for three months and I was the first woman to respond. He just wished the others would tell him why, so he could change whatever wasn't working.

HELLO! Blockhead! You have a fish on the line! Don't whine to her about your inability to catch other fish! He was blowing it - I was immediately cast in the role of trying to console him - I said hey, you are a good-looking guy (which he was) - you should try to find someone who likes you for who you are, not try to change for these people you don't even know. The more he whined, the more I lost interest. This man is 50 - he needs to pull himself together. Even if he feels this way, he shouldn't have been telling me.

So I was already thinking how I could avoid going out with him. I tried to change the subject and asked him how long he had been divorced. This has become a favorite question of mine since the Afghanistan Affair. I don't want to be the transition relationship again if I can help it.

Seems this man married his childhood sweetheart and after 4 years they split. He's been single a long time. The reason for the split was that she didn't want to have children. I said, "Is that still a deal-breaker for you?" (Thinking that maybe since he was now 50, he might have let that go.)

"Oh yes" was his reply. (Yahoo! My out!!) I told him that I was not the girl for him - I was too old to have kids. He said, "No you're not - you're in great shape!" I tried to explain that having a baby didn't fit my lifestyle, I'm 43, that's not what I want. I told him he should probably try to date younger women. He said they were hard to talk to - they didn't have much in common with him.

Well, hello again - maybe your baby making days are over! You are 50!

I apologized for wasting his time and told him it just wasn't in the cards for me. I had no interest in a high-risk pregnancy and in staying home with a baby. He said he had made plenty of money, he would stay home with the baby. I could just "hand it off like a football." I replied that I didn't think you should have a baby if that was what you planned to do with it. Good God.

Can you believe this conversation was even happening? Between two complete strangers?

I said I was sorry, but let's do the math. I am 43. Let's say I meet the man of my dreams tomorrow. I would want to date him for at least a year before I married him. That puts me at 44. I would actually still want to travel with my husband and enjoy life before I brought a baby into the relationship. A baby changes everything. That puts me a 45/46 - I AM TOO OLD. I want a great relationship with a man, not a rush to produce a baby (or, apparently, a football).

I didn't say this - but I AM in great shape - can you see me at 60 raising a teenager AND taking care of a 70 year old man? Gee - think I'll pass.

Guess we can see why this man is still solo - he really doesn't want a woman in his life, he wants a baby. I finally slapped myself (I couldn't believe I was defending myself to someone I had never even met) and apologized again for wasting his time.

Whew - at least that didn't happen during a date! Sometimes a phone call is all you need.

Chocolate save me!!!

Look at these gorgeous truffles from The Chocolate Fetish!

Two of these aren't really truffles - the two small spiral topped ones. One is filled with peanut butter and the other with soft caramel and pecans. Here's the autopsy photo:

The peanut butter was REALLY good - it was the first time I've really been thrilled with the quality of the peanut butter. (Well, other than Reese's which I worship for it's sheer quantity.) Not too sweet, nice and moist, not dry or grainy. And a good balance with the chocolate. Usually my complaint is too much chocolate but this little guy worked. Perfect balance.

Immediately below peanut butter you can see caramel pecan. Look at all those nuts! Yay! But there was some empty space in there - needs more caramel I say.

Fetish has two types of truffles - America's Best Truffles and Ecstasy Truffles. According to the brochure that comes in the box, America's Best were rated in America's Best by the LA Times. They are described as "made in the American style with a firmer center and more traditional flavors than the Ecstasy truffles and are enrobed with a blend of premium American chocolates." I didn't even know there was an American truffle style. I have so much to learn.

Several of these are America's Best Truffles:

Milk Pecan (you can see it in the autopsy photo bottom far left). This was good - the milk chocolate deliciously smooth and creamy, but I want more nuts. (You would think with all the nuts I've been dealing with lately I'd be okay with this.)

Here's a close up of the Milk Pecan truffle and the caramel pecan confection:

Raspberry is nothing remarkable in the pictures. If you really want to see pictures, their website has great ones and you can build a custom box:

I like the option of building a custom box. Much better than taking your chances with the selection some companies force on you. A+++ for catering to the customer.

Another thing I like about these is that identification is easy unlike many with other chocolatiers. Fetish gives good guidance with the string colors (that is the drizzle on top of the truffle - raspberry is dark chocolate with milk chocolate string) or with a flower petal or nut on top. Bonus points in my book. I need all the help I can get!

Raspberry was very subtle on the raspberry - the best way I can describe this is to say it was lovely. I know that seems lame, but I can see ladies having tea and finishing with these. Excellent dark chocolate with a hint of raspberry. Lovely.

Kahlua (dark chocolate with white chocolate string) was amazing - very sweet with only a hint of Kahlua. I usually don't get this flavor because it's too strong on the Kahlua and the chocolate is overwhelmed. This was a great blend.

The rest of the Truffles I got were Ecstasy Truffles. And since this entry seems to be about agony, we'll save the ecstasy for tomorrow.


Heidi said...


Did you make up this story?


You know what, if you decided you were tired of public speaking, you could make a killing as a comedienne.

Or a chocolate conessieur.

Denise Ryan said...

I WISH I was making this up!! : ) It's that old saying - truth is stranger than fiction. Aren't you glad you're married??

d j / s p l i t said...

Denise, just pack up and move out to CA. We can get married (although I don't THINK California support Polygammy, what the hell??!)



Denise Ryan said...

Jonny - you're the best!!! I don't know why some cool guys who like candy don't live here! Of course, they probably all married too! ; ) It's the sugar - women are drawn to it.

diane said...

OMG! First an abused football player, and now a guy who doesn't know his clock has stopped ticking. Truth can indeed be very strange. I'm SOOOO glad that you don't change for anyone... even the nuts! but for our sakes, keep the stories coming. I'm laughing with you, dear.

Denise Ryan said...

Ha, ha - Diane, you know it's bad when I am on the date and already wanting to get back home and blog about it!! Thanks for the back-up!! It makes the whole crazy adventure WAY more fun having you out there!!