Teenage Vampires and Werewolves, Oh My!

I don't pretend to understand middle aged women who are into teenage vampires.  I don't pretend to understand middle aged women who are in to middle aged vampires.  (I mean, do you know where those fangs have been?)  But, hey, to each her own.  Or to each her own undead.

I've never seen this show or read these books and I have no intention of doing so.  But I did want to try the candy.  (I'm telling you, pickin's were slim this year!)

This assortment had three different designs and flavors.  Peanut butter for the werewolf Jacob:

I like the howling wolf design, (but is that his tongue poking out?  Wha? You can't howl with your tongue poking out!  Try it if you don't believe me.), liked the taste the best of the three, but that's not saying much.  This is no Reese's peanut butter and no great chocolate.  Better than Palmer, but that's about it.  (And really, what chocolate is not better than Palmer?)

This is a chocolate truffle for Bella:

Bleech.  Crappy chocolate.  Not even the truffle part was good.

Caramel for the vampire Edward:

Like the design - very detailed - nice!

While this looks like a good caramel, it's not that flavorful.  These are just not that great.  Mediocre. Zzzzzz...

I got this prototype bar at Candy Expo - before the final packaging was done - cool, huh?  These are made by the New England Confectionery Company (yep, Necco).  I hate almost everything else they make (Necco wafers, Sweethearts) - so I shouldn't be surprised these don't rock my world:

Here's the final - the new Sky Bar with the Twilight design:

Got a little crushed on my travels:

This is repackaged in the individual servings for Halloween.  I like the flavors even less in the bar because there's more cheap chocolate.  I like having the variety of flavors in one bar, like the creative artwork, don't care for the taste.  Sorry, Necco.  But hopefully those vampire/werewolf lovers out there will sustain you - I like your creativity. 

But next up are the real artists in chocolate, the super creative chocolate makers!  Stay tuned!

Many, Many Malted Milk Eggs

I have fond memories of eating malted milk eggs as a kid - but I remember all that colored stuff coming off and getting all over my mouth. I swear I remember my brother's lips being blue after eating a blue malted milk egg! They don't make them like that anymore. : (

I seldom crave malted milk balls, but I like them alright. And at Easter time they seem to pop up everywhere as you shall see. And since I have now autopsied so many I know a bit about their secrets (which I shall reveal to you).

You know I had to see if Trader Joe's had any Easter Candy and sure enough:

They even give us some history on the carton:

Here, here!!

Yep - definitely egg shaped. Coated in chocolate with no outer candy coating or coloring. These are delicious and the chocolate is very, very good.

You KNOW Whoppers is going to do something! They have both regular size

and mini Robin Eggs:

Nice bright colors as advertised:

There we have an outer candy shell and a thin inner coating of chocolate. These are really good - and you can have almost twice as many for the same calories as Trader Joe's! And I don't mean twice as many mini's! It's because Joe's has more more rich, delicious chocolate. But these are really addictive and good.

The autopsy of the Mighty Malts eggs from Necco reveals something very horrifying:

NO CHOCOLATE!!! AAAIIIEEE!!! They have two types of malted eggs - one is Ice Cream Shoppe with the flavors strawberry, orange, chocolate, and cookie dough - this refers to the malted milk part - the coating doesn't seem to have much flavor. These remind me of cereal flavors - the strawberry tastes just like the Crunchberries in Captain Crunch cereal. The orange is really strong and sugary - heck these are all strong and sugary and fake tasting - kids would probably LOVE them! Me - not so much.

These are just regular old malt balls:

coated in a weird candy coating. Remember - no chocolate. Boo!!! I say. Boo!!!

Necco also makes the PAAS eggs. Interesting - the others are under the Mighty Malts brand and the Necco logo is nowhere to be seen - until you flip the bag over and look at the fine print.

These have a thin layer of chocolate:

and are the best of the three Necco offerings. I can't decide if I like them better than the Whoppers or not - they are larger and don't have the hard candy shell. Both are pretty good.

These are offered by Williams-Sonoma and Jelly Belly (I told you we'd get to those that were in the Deluxe Easter Mix!):

I think they are both made by Jelly Belly although the Williams-Sonoma bag says theirs are made exclusively for them. They taste the same, have the same ingredients, and the same autopsy results:

Get the Jelly Belly ones - I found them at Hallmark - they are $3.00 cheaper than the Williams- Sonoma ones. As pretty as these are, they were hard as rocks compared to some of the competition. The taste was okay - not impressive since these are the most expensive.

I swear these two are identical (same colors, same ingredients, same taste and autopsy results). One I found in Cracker Barrel:

And the other I found in Target:

These are good too! The candy shell is thinner than the Whoppers shell, which I actually like a little better. I'm not at all sure who makes these babies - each package just lists a distributor, not the actual maker. Another Easter mystery.

This is a Spring offering from Harry and David:

Now, I should like these! The candy coating is nice, they have a thick layer of chocolate, but for some reason - these were a no go. It was like the malted part didn't have any taste. All I had to do was eat one and then eat a Traders Joe's egg - the difference was clear. If it's going to be a malt ball it has to have that crazy crunch in the middle - it was kind of lacking here. Disappointing.

These have nothing to do with Easter, but since we're on a malted milk ball roll, check out these by World Market:

peanut butter!!!! Woohoo!!!

Yowzaa!!! These are really, really good! Very peanut buttery!! A+++

So here are the rankings as far as I'm concerned:

Peanut butter was the best, but it's not really an Easter Treat, so after that - I'd have to go with Trader Joe's.

Next up I'd go with Necco's Paas, closely followed by the Whoppers Robin Eggs.

The mystery brand is really, really close to those two. I had no idea how challenging ranking malted milk eggs could be! Who knew?

The prettiest (and most expensive) were last. (Williams-Sonoma and Jelly Belly)

The spring H & D ones weren't officially Easter treats, but if they were, they would be the worst.

Well, now I've eaten enough malted milks balls to last me the rest of my life.

The lesson - all things in moderation, all things in moderation.

So Much Candy, So Little Time

Geez - Easter is here and there's so much more candy to review! (Hey, if that's the biggest problem I have, I'm pretty darn lucky, huh? It's all about perspective.) Things are still on track with the guy I like - I hate to talk too much about it - afraid I'll jinx it. Suffice it to say, if I go down in flames, I'll let you know.

We've seen in past holidays that some candy makers just throw out the same old stuff in a different package. Well, we have some of that with Easter. The Least Possible Holiday Effort award goes to Tootsie Roll:

Okay - could this packaging be any uglier? This is the most depressing Spring packaging EVER. Boo!!!

Now Tootsie did better with the Pops:

They have an egg shape! Creative! Not the world's most festive wrapper - how about a chick or a bunny? But at least not so suicidal. Look at the egg pops:



That blue thing is raspberry (NOT my fav), pink (cherry) was good. I don't know why these are colored so differently than the regular Tootsie Pops. I mean, it's not like these are some crazy spring colors. But I like the idea and it is a different candy for the season. I also think these have a better Tootsie to Pop ratio than the regular pops. But it's possible that's my imagination. I honestly don't care enough to really try and figure that out. It hurts my brain to think about actually (weights, ratios, ugh).

These are all solid entries - you already know what you're going to get. Kissables (which I like) has some great Easter colors and a rabbit. I like chicks and rabbits and think they should be on all Easter candy wrappers.

When I was a kid we used to get malted milk eggs (robin eggs) in our Easter baskets. I remember my little brother getting all pastel coloring all over his mouth. Or maybe he would just chew one up and get me to look at his as he opened his mouth. Little brothers are experts in gross. But I don't think they make these like they used to. Here's what I could find:

Okay - there's a robin CARRYING an egg! (Do you think that's an African or a European robin?)Whoppers remind me the most of the taste of the eggs I remember, but the colors are too garish:

Of course, after those Tootsie Roll wrappers, these are a Godsend.

These fancy-schmancy ones are from Williams-Sonoma. More florescent than the ones I remember and (trust me) WAY more expensive, but these are the best of the malted milk eggs. The only thing I didn't like about them is that the green ones actually have a little lime flavor to the candy coating. I wasn't too keen on that. But the chocolate layer is definitely of a high quality. And they are pretty. I like pretty.









NECCO rejoins the candy party with PAAS splashed malted milk eggs in ice cream flavors:

Okay - let's just slow down here. PAAS makes Easter egg dye, right? I mean, the name is synonymous with Easter, but.....on candy? And do we really need ice cream flavors? And when the hell did orange become an ice cream flavor? Aren't we talking sherbet here? What the hell is going on?





Look at that purple and orange monstrosity! GLAACK! YUCK! Too orange, too ugly. Strawberry tastes like the crunch berries in Captain Crunch coated with some waxy strawberry stuff. Vanilla is okay as is chocolate, but there's no malt here. All taste like some kind of bad cereal. These have the feel of a candy made in a third world country. But on a good note, they do have both a rabbit and a duck on the package.

Look at this confectionery artistry from Germany for Williams-Sonoma:




These are chocolate truffle eggs and they are gorgeous as well as delicious:

From the horrifying to the sublime, Easter candy offers something for everyone. It's all there for you to enjoy! (And on Monday it will be half price!)

And remember in the great Easter Egg hunt of life:

1.) Sometimes what you're looking for is right under your nose.

2.) The early bird gets the most eggs.

3.) The real winner is the one who had the most fun.

4.) You are grown up when you have more fun helping the other kids find the eggs.

5.) If the Easter bunny doesn't make you smile, you need to loosen up.

6.) The only things you'll find in the hunt that you can take with you are your memories. Fill your days with good ones.

So wear the biggest Easter bonnet you can find, share your candy, and stop and smell the flowers. Life is sweet and all too short - savor every second.