For the Love of Raspberry

It's a good thing there's so much candy out for Valentine's Day. Otherwise it would be a completely depressing holiday. Instead - it rocks!

I've discovered that anything in a pink or red wrapper can be considered a Valentine's Day treat. Hey - it's all about merchandising. I say, "Wwork it, retailers!"

Some of these treats are designed for Valentine's Day, some just happen to be raspberry. Raspberry comes in a pink or red wrapper. Raspberry = Valentine's Day. (See my brilliant application of logic?)

Lindt is one of my favorite chocolate companies. I think they blow Godiva away. So I was pretty excited when I saw these:






I can't believe I'm going to say this. While this is a good truffle, I love Lindt's creamy dark chocolate, it is not outstanding. I was hoping for a stronger raspberry flavor. I am sad.

I reviewed these last year and they remain one of my favs when it comes to the chocolate, raspberry combo. There are hearts on the wrapper, so these definitely count as a Valentine's Day candy. And this is the only time of year you can get them.



I'm not going to apologize for liking Hershey's Kisses (or Hugs - whatever). I guess it's all a display of affection, so who cares? Anyway, these have just the right amount of raspberry. They are festive. They are good. And they are cheap. Long live the Hershey's Kiss!!! (or Hug)

Is it even fair to review Palmer and Lindt in the same post? It's like a Yugo and a Porshe. It's like a common streetwalker and Paris Hilton - um, wait....maybe those aren't so different....... Aw - what the hell.

Raspberry? What raspberry? All I can taste is that sweet, sugar laden fake Palmer chocolate. Hey, don't get me wrong, there's something about all that sugar and fat that I like. But raspberry? Just tastes like plain Palmer to me. BORING!

Festive foil wrappers, but overall these are lame. Sorry, Palmer. It was bound to happen.


Chocolove is a favorite of mine and their Raspberries in Dark Chocolate bar is no exception:

This bar has delicious dark chocolate and freeze dried raspberries - LOVE it! It's also a mini bar - about a third the size of a full size chocolate bar. I really prefer these, those full size bars are just too much. Especially when so many times you buy one, and it's not so good. It's such a sin to throw chocolate away. When that happens, I have to light a fondue pot in the Church of Chocolate to be forgiven for my sins. I'm going to have to light one after I pitch these next few bars.

This is one of those kumbayah fair trade chocolate bars:

It's made from cacao beans grown by a cooperative of small farmers in Ghana. Yeah, yeah, whatever. I'm all for saving the world, but in my heart I am a capitalist. I think you should buy chocolate because it tastes really good. All this other stuff - whatever.

This is a 70% dark chocolate bar really loaded with "freeze dried raspberry granules:"

It pretty much tastes like dirt. I don't know what it is - maybe the raspberries need a little less cocoa content to offset them. I just know when I compare this with the Chocolove bar - the Chocolove bar destroys this one. Taste beats political correctness.


From Ethel's Chocolate (part of Mars, don't be fooled):

I was expecting pink raspberry creme, but instead got this:

Can that be considered creme? It looks like goo or gel or caramel or shampoo, but not like creme. Not so good. Barely a hint of raspberry and the chocolate only average. Boo! Mars - get back to making M & M's. Don't get distracted.



This long skinny bar is by Harry London and comes in both raspberry and apple:

Raspberry is the dark chocolate one; apple the milk:

In a word - eww. Raspberry? I couldn't taste any raspberry. The chocolate? OK - ZZZZZ. Apple was creepier - it was like green apple Jolly Rancher meets milk chocolate. I just don't think apple and chocolate is a good combo. It works with a real apple, especially fs a lot of caramel is involved. But these other attempts have a fake taste. Don't like 'em.

Lessons?

Everybody has an off day. Even Lindt can make a sub par truffle. It doesn't mean I don't love Lindt. Overall, they are fabulous. You too will be judged by the majority of your actions, not the one time you lost your temper. Cut yourself some slack.

Price doesn't always mean quality. I like the el cheapo Hershey's Hugs better than the expensive fair trade chocolate. Paris Hilton has a lot of money, but she sure doesn't have much class. Sometimes we get confused.

Sometimes the smallest acts of kindness mean the most. While Facebook often gets on my nerves (mostly because I can waste hours on there), so may times people will post such nice things. Lisa Fields, a fellow speaker, posted the nicest thank you to me when I took a whopping two seconds to reply to a question she asked me. (Thanks, Lisa - you are WAY too kind!) Other people have taken time to compliment a picture or a blog post. It's such a simple thing, but it means a lot. It's like an electronic Hershey's Hug. Cheap, festive, and oh, so sweet!

Spread the love! And the chocolate.

Off to light the fondue pot.

Some Chocolate is Too Horrible to Live

Welcome back to work after a long holiday break! For those of you who are finding it hard to get back into the swing of things, I have just the ticket:

http://www.chocolateweapons.com

How'd you like to use one of those on your boss or an annoying co-worker? How cool would it be to pull out that gun and them take a big bite out of it? I'm thinking of building my own arsenal. Thanks to my brother, Russ for sending the link. THAT'S the kind of chocolate I want for Valentine's Day! (And given my relationship history, it's the most appropriate.)

I also have it set up so you can buy my awesome, cool, inspiring book, Do You Burn, online. There's a link on my website http://www.firestarspeaking.com/.

Now on to the great holiday chocolate massacre!

I have found Palmer chocolate that I like. I like Reese's. I like M & M's. I am no chocolate snob. But some chocolate is so bad, it really should not exist. I found this box in Walgreen's. And at first glance, it seemed to have good potential:

There were dark and milk chocolate pine cones. Nicely molded, festive:

These little guys were also festive - the snowflake is raspberry, the red and green one is peppermint and the other is dark chocolate:

This was a gingerbread truffle:

This is a peppermint truffle:

This is a dark chocolate truffle and an autopsied salted caramel truffle:

Can I just say, "GLAACK!"? These were terrible! So terrible I couldn't even identify the salted caramel by taste. It just tasted like bad chocolate with a vague bit if salt. The chocolate was yucky - not at all smooth - waxy - must be mockolate. If it's not, it should be. These are produced under the Hazelwood Gourmet label by Riviera Brands. Danger! Danger! Don't waste your money!! I got some of these after Valentine's Day last year (at half price) and I obviously forget how God awful they were. Boo!!!

I also bought these crazy things also by Hazelwood:

Now I had no idea what to expect when I bit one of these. For some reason I thought they might be hard, like a lollipop. But they are the creepy chocolate truffles from the box (a little bigger maybe) on a stick. The red and green sprinkled one is gingerbread - so they say. It sure didn't taste like gingerbread to me. More like some weird spice. Gross.

This one was really pretty - I like the bronze metallic over the chocolate. This was a giant dark chocolate truffle on a stick. Not as heinous as the "gingerbread" but nothing great. Definitely not worth the calories. Although I do give them points for trying something different. I don't think it works - the hard outer shell pretty much just crumbles. But hey - it was different.

Note to self - truffles don't need to be on a stick. Second note to self - stop buying this crappy chocolate.

I also found this at Walgreen's:

It looks like there is a lot more in the package than there really is:

Not very green! Someone call the EPA!

But it turns out that's a good thing:

Because this is awful. Rock hard waxy slabs of chocolate with some crumbs of something they say is gingerbread. Ewww! This was truly awful. From Harry London. That bastard.

Now you know if I'm talking about bad chocolate, I'm going to have to talk about Russell Stover. I keep giving them a chance and they keep sucking. I am done with them, I swear! (How many times have I said that? and I just keep going back. Apparently Russell Stover is my Charlie Sheen.)

I hadn't tried a maple cream Santa (and I like maple):

Ah - the Russell Stover artistry! Look at that Santa! I think that looks more like the baby Jesus wrapped in swaddling clothes than a Santa. Zero points for artistic skill.

How does it taste? Slightly mapley. The filling is more fluffy than creamy. Not horrible, but not anything I would buy again. The chocolate did better than usual (i.e. not all crumbly and cracking off) and seems a little less waxy. But maybe that's just because the other ones I've reviewed today have been so, so, so bad.

At the beginning of the holiday season, someone commented that the RS wreath was not as good this year as it has been. Their coconut wreaths were one of the only things I liked in the line. They were reworked for each holiday, but they had great shredded coconut and were good!

But I think our reader was absolutely right! Look at the difference between last year's wreath:

And this year's wreath:

Russell Stover, you suck!!!! This is so lame compared to the old version! You can barely taste the coconut!! The one thing I liked, you ruined! I hate you!

Where's a chocolate anti-aircraft gun when I need one?

So what do we learn from this?

That apparently I am one step away from entering the mental ward. But besides that...

Believe chocolate when it shows you how it tastes the first time. How many times have I purchased Russell Stover and how many times have I been disappointed? (I am completely ripping off the saying that you should believe people when they show you who they are the first time.) Someone who will lie to you once, will lie you to again. (If Charlie Sheen tried to kill you once, he's gonna beat on you again.)

There is a place for bad chocolate. It makes us appreciate good chocolate! People who treat you badly make you value people who treat you well. Bad times make you appreciate good times. Cold weather makes you appreciate warm weather. (That's for those of you freezing right now.)

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me! Okay, if I buy Hazelwood or Russell Stover again, I only have myself to blame. What mistakes might you be repeating? And are you blaming the right person?

Here's to making NEW mistakes in 2010! And learning from the old ones.

And carrying a loaded chocolate handgun.