The Way the Cookie Crumbles

I am becoming a shortbread connoisseur.  I don't know how many other shortbread connoisseurs there are in the world and I can't imagine there's much demand for them, but hey, someone's gotta do it.

We're gonna start with plain, traditional shortbread.  We'll add chocolate, nuts, and other stuff in later posts.  (I already reviewed Dean's cocoNOT and Harry and David's and Walker's vanilla shortbread, but today we're going old school.)

I have always loved shortbread.  Mostly Walker's.  My Mom would always put some in my stocking at Christmas.  LOVED it.  But there are lots of other shortbread companies out there.  More than I ever imagined.  And you know how I am - I can't just say Walker's is good - I have to have something to compare it to.

So I have been shopping for shortbread.  This weekend I went to A Southern Season and found these: 

Cute!  For the 4th!  By The Pound Cake Company.  Well, these were not as great as I had hoped.  They were a little overcooked - see the brown edges?  Shortbread is supposed to be baked very slowly so it doesn't brown.  Maybe these guys should stick to pound cake.

I got these on an earlier trip - shaped like tulips:

Not quite as brown, but had very little taste.  Good shortbread should be buttery.  In fact, in Britain it is a LAW that to be called shortbread, 51% of the fat in a cookie has to come from real butter.  In fact, one of the theories as to why it's even called shortbread is that it contains so much shortening (butter).

By the same company, these were called Sweet Potato Shortbread cookies, and they were the best of the three, but they sure didn't taste much like sweet potato:

And they were insanely crumbly.  A degree of crumbliness is good, but too crumbly = no good.  These were WAY too crumbly.  Think of this - you take a bite of a cookie and the entire rest of the cookie falls down the front of your shirt.  Not so great.

Overall, way too expensive to be as average as they are.

These Lorna Doone cookies are called shortbread:

But they are terrible - you can tell they are cheap - not buttery, hard as rocks.  YUCKO!  The British would soooo not let this bear the name of shortbread.  GLAACK!

Shortbread originated in Scotland, thus Voortman stole the tartan plaid:

I don't know WHAT these things are.  They taste nothing like shortbread and look at that funky color.  They have a weird taste that I can't even describe.  They scare me.

The Pecan Sandie is an okay cookie as I recall, these are Pecan Sandies without the pecan:

The actually looked much better than I thought they would.  They look kind of homemade.  But they really don't taste anything like good, Scottish shortbread.  They taste like Sandies.  Not buttery enough.  Not bad, just different.  Maybe it's because butter is way down the ingredients list following soybean and palm oil.  The British say not just no, but hell no.  This ain't no stinkin' shortbread.

Pepperidge Farm wants to get in on the shortbread action too:

The flavor here isn't bad, but they are too crunchy.  I don't really want crunchy shortbread.  Maybe overcooked?  They have other cookies that are soooooo much better.  Milano, anyone?

These are made in Scotland by the Royal Edinburgh Bakery and I had high hopes for them:

These were packed inside the red tin container - they even have a picture of a Scottish castle on them!

But, nope - not so great. They were close - but a tad too dry, not quite as buttery as the champions.

Sigh.  I've tried Dean's before, but I'm always game to give a brand a second chance!

They look good in the picture.  They are made in Scotland.  They are close to being good, but not quite there.  They tasted more salty than buttery.  Maybe it's because the third ingredient is non-hydrogenated vegetable margarine - eww.  Why do you need that AND butter?  Britain?

Ah - Ireland!  I like the Celtic packaging.  This is a classic shortbread cookie shape (these, rounds and sticks are the classic shapes):

These were close to being good too - and I like that they are made with simple ingredients - wheatflour, butter, sugar, salt.  But look at the brown - they seemed a bit overcooked.  And - this is just a personal preference - I'm not big on the added granulated sugar on top. 

Look at this great shape!!

Again - close, but....just not buttery enough somehow.  There really is a difference between great shortbread and average shortbread.  This isn't bad - Lorna Doone is bad.  Voortman is bad.  This is fine.  Not great, mind you.  Just fine.

Paterson's reminded me of O'Neills:

Sugar, maybe a bit overdone.  A bit tasteless.

These are made in North Carolina.  Now before you freak out, there are a lot of Scots here.  Oh yes - we have the Highland Games every year in the mountains.

However, the Scots must have forgotten something when they immigrated:

Something like flavor.  Sooooo bland.  And I'm not sure about the rice flour.  ZZZZZZZ...........

For the calories and fat, shortbread has to be buttery and with an almost creamy consistency - not crunchy, closer to cakey.  Now you're thinking - what the hell?  She's said all these are only average or are outright crappy?  What is she doing to us?  Are we supposed to wander through life shortbreadless?

Don't worry, my friends!  The cream of the crop (pun intended), the most delcious shortbread cookies I could find, are coming next!!  You will nevah eat subpar shortbread again!!

Little Debbie Stole Christmas

I was determined not to miss the Little Debbie Christmas treats. I missed some of the fall ones and I wasn't going to let that happen again, so this season I think I got 'em all. And I am sorely disappointed.


Let's start with gingerbread - a holiday tradition and a personal favorite of mine:








They look festive enough, they were the perfect degree of softness, but - alas, they were just not good. I ADORE gingerbread but these seem to have some kind of weird aftertaste. Not sure what was happening here, but it was not good. Archway makes a MUCH better gingerbread cookie. I'd post pictures of the Archway ones, but I already ate them all.



These looked good:






Creative, right? Love the red and green. Again, not good - nothing bad, just kind of tasteless. I have a box of regular Rice Krispy Treats and they are WAY better. Something is missing here. ZZZZZ.



Okay, there's still hope! There's chocolate!!!

Okay, maybe the sprinkles need a little help, but these look good! And they were definitely the best of the bunch, but for 190 calories each, not amazing. Only average. I'd rather have one of Little D's pumpkin cookie things or her peanut butter bars. Or even an oatmeal cream pie! Sad, but true.

Okay wait, what about these?

Okay, artistically they don't really look like the trees on the box. Taste-wise...well, they are just kind of flat. They aren't bad brownies, they just aren't really good brownies. They have a great consistency, but again, the flavor is just, well - average. Again, not really worth the calories. Disappointing. : (

And finally:

Something clearly happens to the sprinkles between posing for the shot on the box and getting to the consumer, but hey, what the heck. I had high hopes for these too. I like frosted cookies like these - I know they are cheap, but I've always liked 'em. These? Not so much. Again - a weird aftertaste. A blah factor. So heartbreaking.

Now here's a shocker:

Okay - another sprinkle mutiny, but look at that radioactive green! I LOVE it! I was surprised by the shameless printing of their name on every cookie, but whatever. There are like 10 billion cookies in here and they were cheap as dirt. I got them at Target. I bought them for the name - Festive - and the outrageous color. And as cheap and cheesy as they are - they are the best of the lot!

Oh Little Debbie, why have you forsaken me? Was it what I said about Martha?

The lesson? We always want what we can't have. I really, really wanted the Fall Little Debbie brownies. When they were sold out, I was sure they would be the best thing EVAH! But now that I have the Christmas ones - well......

Here's the eternal challenge of the human race - continue to strive and grow vs. being happy with what you have. The secret is to find the mix that works for YOU. What works for your friend on the corporate fast track may not work for you. You might choose more time with family or more time to travel and less income.

So this holiday season, be very thankful for all you have and remember that what you don't have may not be as great as it seems. And if you do get it, it may not have nearly as many sprinkles on it as you thought.