How to Conquer Fear

I've kind of been holding out on you guys. My hip saga has continued and I actually have scheduled the surgery. I thought the best way to update you might be to use my situation to help you think about any scary situations you may be facing. It's the season to think about scary things, right? And we're all in this life together.

We all have times when we’re worried about things. Hell, we all have times when we are downright afraid. Fear is the great enthusiasm destroyer. If we want to burn with passion, we have to conquer fear. But how?

I’m going to use the hip surgery as an example. You can substitute whatever you are afraid of (asking for a raise, confronting a problem employee, a health issue, a financial issue, a relationship issue – whatever it is that’s stealing your joy).

As you guys know, I have severe arthritis in my right hip. It’s gotten to the point that it’s bad enough to keep me from doing the things I want to do. We’re not talking things like running; we’re talking things like walking down the streets of Chicago pain free. I was limping on my way to the Chocolate Tour!

They surgery is at least two nights in the hospital and weeks of recovery. It scares me. Let me mention here that it doesn’t matter what other people think – if something scares you, it scares you. And you have to deal with it.

Okay, here we go.

1.) Admit it and understand it. We’re supposed to be tough in America. It’s hard to admit that you’re scared. It makes other people nervous and uncomfortable. I’m not saying you have to rent a billboard, but you do have to admit it to yourself. Once you admit it, you have to really understand it. Okay – here’s what I’m afraid of. I’ve never spent a night in the hospital before – it scares me. I’ll be completely at the mercy of strangers. I’ll be knocked out and in pain – utterly vulnerable. Also, I’m going through this alone. I’m not married, am not dating anyone, have no kids, my Mom passed away, and my father isn’t coming within 100 miles of a hospital during flu season. And let’s face it, surgery is dangerous, something could go wrong. I could die.

Who would carry on my chocolate blog?

2.) Knowledge is power. Okay, let’s be honest here. What I’m scared of is the unknown. I don’t know what the heck is going to happen and it is terrifying. So I have talked with people who have had hip surgery – the consensus is that the only thing they regret is not having it sooner. I went to a pre-operative class. I’ve been asking all kinds of questions and reading everything I can find. The more I know about it, the less afraid I am. I realize a lot of people have done this. I feel a small bit of control.

3.) Slap yourself and get rational. Yeah, yeah, it’s sad that I’m alone. I wish I had a husband or boyfriend to be by my side and hold my hand. But the reality is that the last two guys I dated would probably be spending more time trying to hook up with the nurses than comforting me. And I love my friends to death, but I’d really rather see them when we can celebrate my recovery than when I’m high on drugs and look like the angel of death. It will be best for me if I AM alone during this so I can rest and get the hell out of the hospital! Also my surgeon did a fellowship at the Mayo Clinic. I’ll be at Duke Hospital. I’ll be in good hands. And if I die? Well, what will I care? I’ll be dead! At least I’ll know I had one hell of a life!

4.) See the sliver lining. I’ll be pain free – can there be a better goal? Also they just called today and asked if I’d be part of a clinical study about the biomechanics of hip replacement. I’ll get to go to the College of Sports Medicine at Duke and see how I’m doing before (with the old hip) and after (with the new hip). I’ll contribute to science! How cool! I’ll have great new stories for my speeches. And I’m going to start telling people I’m bionic. Or at least I’m made of titanium like the Terminator.

5.) Pay attention to the alternative. If you let your fear rule you, what will the consequences be? I could cancel the surgery. They gave me a cortisone shot and the pain has really decreased. Maybe I could make it another 6 months or a year. Yeah, maybe so. But I’ll never be younger and stronger than I am now. And if I back down now, I might even be more scared next time. And do I want to keep living in pain? I don’t want to plan another big trip because I’m afraid I’d be overseas and the pain would come back. The hell with that! One of the things my surgeon said was that if you are making life choices based on your hip pain, it’s time to get a new hip. How long will you let fear steal your joy?

6.) It will make you stronger. Nietzsche was right on this one. If I make it through this – one of my greatest fears has been facing a health crisis alone – I can make it through anything. I will no longer feel that I have to have a man to lean on. I will know that I, myself, can get through anything that life can throw at me and I will NEVER let myself down. Think about your fear – if you can get through it, won’t you be stronger? Won’t you grow and discover who you really are?

Fear can make you stronger or bring you to your knees – you get to decide. Use these tips to help you through. You know what I’m going to say right before they put me under? “I’ll be back.” With the Austrian accent.