Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Chocolate Drama

I found these cute little boxes of Mrs. Fields assorted chocolates on sale after Valentine's Day. They are $1.00 normally, I got them for a whopping 50 cents.

They contain chocolate chip cookie dough:

Butter caramel:

and dark coconut macaroon.

And they are all horrible. The caramel was the least horrible, but if you are a cookie maker and you screw up a chocolate chip cookie dough chocolate, you should consider sticking your head in your own oven.

Not one to give up easily, I bought these:

I mean, it says Peanut Butter Dream on the box. Ummmmm......peanut butter......

They too were horrible. They tasted like a butter cream - nothing like peanut butter. Mrs. Fields Chocolates were a terrible, terrible disappointment. And you all know I even give PALMER a chance! These should be avoided at all costs. Even if they are half price. Even if they are FREE!

While much better than the Mrs. Fields:

Jo's Peanut Butter Meltaways didn't rock my world either. I mean, for $11.00 a box, I want something pretty good. Reese's are better. I found the peanut butter smooth but somewhat dry and tasteless. Boo! What is going on? How can anyone ruin peanut butter - food of the Gods? Oh wait, that's chocolate. How can anyone ruin peanut butter - legume of the gods?

Well, since we're talking about ruining things, let's go back to my arch enemy, Russell Stover. RS seems to have a knack for ruining everything.

Now this is a cool looking box, given to me by my Sorbet Sistah, Sexy (aka Beth):

Looks good so far:

Before the autopsy:

Autopsy photo:

It's Russell Stover - we're doing a mass autopsy.

Okay - there is no damn label - a huge pet peeve of mine! I want to know what the flavors are! I want some guidance! Especially if your flavors are weak and unrecognizable! Russell Stover I hate you!!

Bear with me while I try to determine what the hell we have here:

the pink thing - cherry? strawberry? who the hell knows - was terrible. That pink stuff is hard as a rock. Yuck.

the white blob - maybe coconut cream? I'm not sure - it doesn't taste very coconutty, and it's not very creamy or very good. I don't even know what it is. Dark chocolate over some mystery cream. Boring!

directly above the white blob is a tan chocolate - this one was (GASP) actually good! Of course, I can't get it again because I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL IS IT!!! RS you suck!! Some kind of chocolate truffle? A nut might have been involved in a very, very small amount. WTF - even when I try to give RS some kudos they make it impossible.

The one at the top that looks like peanut butter tastes exactly like a chocolate covered Mary Jane. I don't think much of Mary Janes so this did not work for me. I was hoping for peanut butter. I hate RS more.

Next to the white blob is a caramel. This is just like the Mrs. Fields caramels - so boring. So bland you decide it's not even worth the work required to chew it. It is so sad when you screw up caramel. I love caramel. RS is a bastard.

Oh - here's the coconut in our final chocolate. Now I have even less idea what was in the other one - vanilla cream? This one is not horrifying. It's like a second rate Almond Joy - with the milk chocolate (not dark like Mounds) minus the almond.

Overall - RS makes crappy chocolate. But it was a gift, so I thought......maybe I'd give RS another chance.

These were half price:

Now, this is somewhat amazing. The caramel heart is actually good. I don't know how this has happened. This is a softer, richer caramel than the one in the assortment. This one is good. Russell Stover has made a good candy! OMG - how can it be? Ding dong, the witch is dead, the wicked witch of the west is dead - ding dong the wicked witch is dead!!!

This was half price too:

This too is not horrible. Tastes like coconut, thin enough so that the cream is balanced well with the dark chocolate. I liked it. What is going on??? How can this be? Who will I hate now? I guess there's always Mrs. Fields, but that just doesn't feel as righteous.

Will I have to let go of my hatred of Russell Stover?

Will my love of Mrs. Fields cookies offset my hatred of her heinous chocolates?

Should Mrs. Fields consider having an affair with Russell Stover?

And what about Harry & David?

Stay tuned for the next episode of Motivation by Chocolate!


Kris, in New England said...

Hebert was always the choice over Russell Stover in my house growing up. Of course as mentioned before (and no I'm no rubbing it in...much) I grew up 2 towns away from the original Hebert Candy Mansion.

Coconut in dark chocolate is a fave however I'm a snob. It has to be Mounds or Godiva Truffle.

Speaking of the latter - I splurged bigtime last night and bought a box of eighteen Assorted Godiva Truffles. I haven't done that in years; I know what motivated me and I'm OK with that.

The hubby and I shall enjoy them. Damn the cost I need chocolate!

Wally Adamchik said...

Mrs Fields makes great cookies. Perhaps they should stick to what they do. You will find me in line at the mall.

Denise Ryan said...

Kris, I'm still jealous you lived so clase to a candy factory! And good for you with the Godiva!! You'll have to let us know which ones were your favs!! Life is too short not to have chocolate!!

Denise Ryan said...

Wally!! Thanks for the comment!! And yes, Mrs. Field's makes awesome cookies! And I love you because you like the ones making a frosting sandwich! YUM! I wish I had one right now!! And you have a good point about doing what you're good at. Not everyone needs to be a chocolate maker.