Can you believe Afghanistan Man called again? Apparently I am much better in retrospect than I am in an actual relationship. He wants a second chance - I was so great, I believed in him, he was so grounded when he was with me, blah, blah, blah. Whatever. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. I already feel it's shame on me. The whole thing just brings up some very yucky feelings and still manages to bother me.
Then the surgeon - ah! I got to see the recent x-ray of my arthritic hip. There is zero cartilage left. Zero. The bone is forming all kinds of spurs and cysts - it's a veritable bone party in there. And, I didn't know this, but bones have nerves (like teeth) and every time I walk or move a certain way, those nerves are rubbing together. The surgeon was shocked I was still walking 5 miles a day. (See what a bad ass I am?) Little does he know it's merely so I can continue my chocolate habit and simultaneously fit into my clothes.
They are going to give me a steroid injection in my hip next week, but the only real solution is surgery. After you realize this, they have you watch a little video. Holy God in heaven! That is what pushed me over the edge - seeing how they have to scrape out the leg bone and jam a plastic rod in there to link with the new fake hip. Jesus!! I had no idea - I don't know what I was thinking, but this is no outpatient procedure. Three to four days in the hospital, no driving, I'll need some kind of home care or I can go into a rehab facility (basically a nursing home). Two months of recovery time (and that's on the good side) - and I work for myself - if I don't speak, I don't earn any money. And it ain't like this is going to be cheap.
Actually, the whole database screw up is looking pretty good now, a walk in the park. I'm thinking maybe I should just ask nougat to pay me a visit and put me out of my misery. Where's a good serial killer when you need one?
Then the credit card call. Get this - they called me with an automated message and had me confirm the charges were not made by me. I'm so freaked out, I can't even remember my own zip code. Then they put me on hold to wait on a fraud representative. I was on hold for a while, then a voice came on, said all the representatives were busy assisting other callers (i.e. not me), gave me another number to call, and before I could even write it down, HUNG UP ON ME! Yes, they called me, scared me to death, and then hung up on me. I think I may become nougat myself. The police can take me and my hip out in a blaze of glory after I kill the USAA fraud department operators. That will solve all my problems in one fell swoop.
Luckily they caught this - the high rolling criminals were not able to get their Walmart charge to go through.
So what does one do with a week from hell?
1.) End it with Friday. I've decided this bad week is ending today. That the bad mojo is gone. That the weekend will be great.
2.) Deal with the worst. Okay, we're doing what we can about the database fiasco. I'm getting the hip injection Monday and will see the surgeon again in August. I'm just going to have to suck it up and figure out how to handle it when we decide to operate. I'm also going to try to get in even better shape so I can recover as quickly as possible. I'm trying really hard not to be afraid.
3.) Buy more chocolate. One of my favorite places in all the world is A Southern Season in Chapel Hill. This place is mecca for foodies. They have every coffee, tea, wine, candy, meat, cheese, bread, chip, hot sauce, olive oil - whatever you could ever want. And right now they are having a giant sale https://www.southernseason.com/ppf/id//cat.asp
I bought this cool thing yesterday - it's a faux book filled with chocolate! And it was half price! Whee!!
They are located right down the road from the surgeon. What better way to take your mind off bad news? Look at lots of shiny, tasty treats. I'm still doing my part to help the economy. Looks like I'll be helping the health care system quite a bit. Maybe I can get my own personal bail out...
4.) Reach out. This is going to be the hardest step for me. I know I'm going to have to do it, but it is so hard!! My whole goal of taking care of my health was to remain independent. (So much for those best laid plans.)
5.) Be grateful. Once again this always makes me feel better. At least I'm not the victim of a chocolate vat accident. Thank the Church of Chocolate there IS chocolate (and all those other wonderful things to eat). I'm so lucky I have friends who read this crazy blog - just posting makes me feel less alone in whatever happens. I need to focus on all the good stuff and not the bad stuff.
6.) Find the lesson. There are always lessons in whatever bad things happen to you. I should have checked more to make sure people who signed up for my newsletters were getting them. (Why I would assume technology would work is beyond me!) From now on, I'll try to be more vigilant. The hip - well, I didn't do anything that I'm aware of to cause the arthritis, but I will still do everything I can to maintain my health and to recover quickly from the surgery. And maybe it happened so I'll learn to (GASP) let other people help me. And the credit card - what a gift! It's a great story for my telephone customer service training. Don't scare the crap out of your customers and then hang up on them. Woohoo!
7.) Do not go to the pity party. I had a BIG pity party last night. HUGE. All about how alone I am. The new BF lives two hours away and this is a LOT to deal with. (who really wants a girlfriend who's falling apart?) Probably a great reason to bail. See? This is bad, bad thinking. The pity party does absolutely no good. You feel about a thousand times worse, you're tired and wrung out. Obsessing over all the bad things that could happen or that have happened is like volunteering to keep the flames stoked in hell. Why would you do this? You have to stop this train of thought early on - call a friend, watch TV, go to sleep, blog - do anything but go to the pity party.
8.) Laugh. Okay, I won't lie - I'm not finding much of this very funny right now. (Well, maybe the idea of killing the USAA Fraud Department operators.) But don't worry, I will. As they wheel me in for the surgery, I just might start screaming for nougat. Can you imagine? "I've changed my mind!! Bring me nougat!!! It's unpredictable! It's scary! It's weird! Bring me nougat!!" Just let them try to put a lame woman in a straight jacket! Hell, the North Carolina budget for mental health has been cut so much, they probably don't even have any straight jackets!
After the surgery? Hell, I'm going to start telling people I'm bionic.
Next time you have a bad week - apply these tips - maybe they'll help you too.
Enjoy the weekend!!!! And thanks for reading.