Tuesday, April 14, 2009

The Bride of Chocolate

Good grief. Four of my friends told me of their engagements yesterday. FOUR! What are the odds of that? Now if you are married this will probably seem like nothing, like something I should celebrate - and you are right, but it depresses me. It makes me wonder how everyone else seems to have so little trouble with this relationship thing and it just seems to kick my butt.

I'm not saying I'm out here pining away to be married - I'd just settle for a boyfriend. I mean a real boyfriend - not someone who is still shopping for an upgrade (ala the Afghanistan Affair). Big sigh.

Ah - but we all have our bad days, right? So what to do?

1.) Control what you can, let go of the rest. I'm doing all I can think of to put myself in a position to meet someone. That's about all I can do.

2.) Stop comparing!! I keep saying this and keep falling right back into it. I've been married before and if I just wanted to check the block, I'm sure I could find some poor guy to drag to the altar. But I don't want 1.) some poor guy or 2.) anyone I have to drag. I want a great guy who will be as happy to be with me as I am to be with him.

3.) Don't focus on what's missing. It's so easy for me to focus on the lack of romantic love in my life. And I miss the fact that I have work that I love, great friends, a world to explore, and chocolate!

4.) Be careful what you wish for. I know that you can be lonelier with the wrong person than when you are by yourself. I would rather be alone forever than trapped in a bad marriage.

5.) Don't settle. Everyone tells me I am too picky. But I can't force myself to fall in love with someone just to not be alone. It not fair to me or to him. Who wants to be with someone who doesn't really love them? Everyone deserves to be adored.

6.) Don't beat yourself up. This is the hard part - of course, I feel like there is something wrong with me. Whether it's the BP (Big Personality), the random silliness, the too direct communication or some other horrible thing - I am who I am. I have to believe that the right man will like me just the way I am. And let's face it, it's not like I can change any of these things anyway.

7.) Try to enjoy the journey. I have met a lot of great guys, a few nuts, and have probably broken more hearts than I will ever know. I need to try and enjoy the journey and remember that nothing worth having is ever easy to get. When I do find the right man (or he finds me), I'll truly appreciate him.

8.) There is always chocolate (or whatever your passion is). Chocolate has yet to lie to me, cheat on me, or flirt with other women. Chocolate even commits! I love chocolate and chocolate seems to love me too. Maybe I AM engaged!


Heidi said...

One of my wisest friends -- who also happened to look like a Victoria's Secret model and easily had her pick of men -- told me, "Ninety-nine percent of your dating relationships are failures. One percent is a success -- the person you marry."

That seems like it would be a depressing statement -- but you have to look at it for what it is -- reality.

When you keep this little statistic in mind, then if a dating relationship fails, you will not be so hard on yourself. You can just shrug and say, "Oh well, that guy was in the 99 percent category."

NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. He just happened to be the failure. Ha ha.

I truly believe you will find true love. And your standards are not too high. As someone who has been through one marriage, you already know what it feels like to be with the wrong one. So just keep reminding yourself that you have a full life many people wish they had -- and that one percent will be one lucky SOB when he finally discovers you.

By the way -- the "big personality" thing is not a negative, even though that knucklehead portrayed it that way. You could look at it this way -- "Big personality" is otherwise defined as "shining beautiful person," and knucklehead is defined as, "a weak man who can't stand to be near shining beautiful person because he knows all of his failures will be that much more transparent."

Love ya, girlie!

Denise Ryan said...

I love you, Heidi!!! Thanks for your great words of wisdom and your support!! You are the best!!!!

diane said...

Heidi you are a very wise woman. The BP is truly an asset, as is the random silliness, being direct, and being Real! Besides, if guys can't see that then Heidi is right -they are a "dating failure". We love you for you! The Real You! and don't you forget it :)

Denise Ryan said...

I love you Diane!!!!! Thanks so much!!!!! I am so lucky to have friends like you!!!