Tuesday, July 27, 2010

More Lessons from Online Dating

I got flowers today!  Finally I went on a date with a man with class!!  I was actually stunned and thought they must have been delivered to the wrong house.

More things to learn from online dating:

5. Don’t take things personally. Holy smokes, it’s just online dating! The fates of worlds do not hang in the balance! Sometimes you are going to get blown off or ignored—it happens to everyone. If you start taking everything personally, well, see #3. The same thing happens at work, at school, at the gym—you get slighted. Things don’t go your way. Much of the time—it has nothing to do with you. Maybe the clerk really didn’t see you. Maybe the online dater is actually married and blows everyone off when it comes time to actually meet in person. Maybe the person you friended on Facebook doesn’t like to friend work colleagues. Who knows? Why get upset? Why give other people so much power over you? Be cool; let it roll off your back. You know you have value and worth and that you rock the house! You do know that, don’t you?

6. Bring your a-game. If you are going to bother—with anything—give it your best. If you are going to attend the meeting, participate. Don’t sit in the corner and play with your Blackberry—everyone sees you and it screams, “I’m WAY too important for this waste of time.” I’m pretty sure you aren’t getting any texts from the President. In the middle of one disastrous date, the guy asked me if we could have a “real” second date. I’m thinking, “This was a real date and it’s the ONLY date we’ll ever have.” We all make mistakes, but you have to start by giving everything your best shot. This is your real life—the big show—everyday.

7. Self promote. Now you have to find the right balance here—too much and you’re arrogant, too little and you’re a loser. Do you really want to date “I’m just a nice guy and I’m not too picky, just don’t want to be alone” or “I’m a successful guy with a great life and I’m looking for someone extraordinary to share it with.” The first guy might think he’s being modest, but he comes across as a bit desperate. I’d rather be with the guy who sounds like he’s got something going on. You don’t have to be a braggart, but if you have special skills or talent or good ideas—let people know! Playing small doesn’t serve anyone—least of all you. Look for chances to shine.

8. Know thyself. If you’ve been late to work for the past ten years, you are simply not punctual. Get over it. Everyone on match.com says they have a good sense of humor. I say if you’re so damn funny, why is your profile so hellishly boring? Everyone also thinks they look younger than they are. (Some do, most don’t.) Are you thinking you have skills or traits that you don’t? Is there a discrepancy between your self image and your true nature? Everyone also thinks they have a great attitude. Apparently we are all good-looking, funny as hell, never lie and are eternally optimistic. (And are all cruising down De Nile.)

9. Stop with the TMI! I am always soooo surprised by the things men tell me on FIRST dates. One told me his ex-wife physically abused him; another said he was still in love with a dead woman. Over share much? This information should be kept to yourself. People post things on FaceBook they should really keep private. You will be judged by your public declarations. Discretion still is the better part of valor. Reveal things when (and if) appropriate.

10. Be yourself. Don’t try to be something that you’re not. There is no one like you in this entire world – celebrate that! The right job opportunities, the right people, the right everything can only be attracted to the REAL you. So bring your twisted sense of humor, your socks and sandals, your goofy grin – the right person will adore you. The world needs more of YOU – more authenticity and less pretense. So bring you on – in all your glory!


Diane said...

Nice flowers. Hope you get some good ones this time.

Marcia Ladd said...

Right on Sister.

Kris, in New England said...

Boo-yah! Those flowers are lovely and well-deserved; sent by a true gentleman. It's a very nice touch.

All your points are so true. The sooner we all embrace them the happier we'll be - in all aspects of our lives!

Denise Ryan said...

You three are the best!!! Thanks for the back up!! Diane, great to hear from you!! We'll see - I'll keep you all posted!! : )

Matty said...

I need to go back to reading your posts more often, they crack me up. This online dating post is SO written by a girl. Not one mention of kissing or sex...isn't that what people are supposed to do on dates? Or maybe that's just what dum dudes like me who haven't dated in a long time think people are supposed to do on dates? Let us know how round 2 goes with flower boy. :)

Denise Ryan said...

Hey Matty! I know - so many blogs, so little time! But where else can you get so much good drama AND candy? You're so right, I'm sure if a guy was writing it would be all about the sex. Most of my dates are such a bust there's no way I'm kissing anybody! But I may have to address this issue in a post because it has so much comic potential! You rock!!