Wanting Candy at Walmart

My Sorbet Sistah Tracy has been hauling me around since the surgery (what a great friend, right?) and this weekend we took an evening trip to Walmart. She wanted to buy an air freshener for her new car (way to go, Trace!) and I wanted to check out the candy. American Express sent me a "spend $50 in Walmart and get a $10 credit on your statement" offer, so I felt compelled to go. (And, of course, spend $50.)

Some good news is that I can now drive myself short distances. It would be easier if I didn't drive a 350Z, but hey, what can I say? My first drive was to the gym. Yep, I was back in the gym lifting on Sunday. (Today is three weeks after the surgery.) I loved it when one of my girlfriends said, "Geez - someone who just got a hip replacement is doing more exercise than I am!" Whoohoo! Hey, us motivational speakers gotta walk the talk (or at least limp it).

Just in case you all think I'm making the whole hip replacement thing up, here's an x-ray they took Friday:

There it is! Holy smokes! It pretty much freaks me out, but hey, airport security will love it! It will give them a chance to wand someone. The docs said I might have to show them my scar. Great.

Okay - back to Walmart. The first thing that caught our attention was this giant white chocolate snowman:

Look how big that bad boy is! There was a small crowd of us standing there just admiring them. We were like deer in headlights. Were these decorations or something you might eat? They were like giant chocolate Easter rabbits, but we couldn't seem to get our brains around them. They were huge, they were hollow, they were $9. I love you guys, but I could tell by looking at this thing that I didn't want to taste it.

On the Christmas decoration aisle there were lots of those dancing stuffed things that if you push a button on their hand or foot or some other body part they move and play music. One was a snowman brandishing a giant peppermint lollipop. Tracy pushed his foot and he played, "I want candy! I want candy! I want candy in the morningtime, I want candy in the hot sunshine, I want candy!" Ever since, Tracy and I have been singing "I want candy!" We are particularly fascinated by the fact that someone wants candy in the hot sunshine. Why? Who says, "Jesus, it's hot out here. Somebody get me a Reese's." "OMG, I'm burning up! Let's get some fudge!" "Delores, it's so damn hot, pass me one of those Snickers!"

I don't think so.

Then we saw this act of merchandising genius:

Yes, my friends, that is Ghirardelli chocolate next to spray paint. It was actually the spray paint and home repair aisle. Who thinks like that? What is wrong with these people?

"I want candy! I want candy! I want candy when I paint my house, I want candy when I trap a mouse. I want candy!"

I actually bought this TWO AND A HALF POUND box of candy we found in the dog food aisle:

At least it was on an end cap. The remote is for scale, it didn't come with it.

Now, I have very low expectations for this gigantic box of chocolate - it too was $9, apparently a very popular price at Walmart. I mean, how good can it be? But I couldn't stop myself - hey, I had to get to $50 somehow! But don't worry - you'll hear all about it! Maybe we'll open it on Christmas morning!!

"I want candy! I want candy! I want candy when I feed my dogs, I want candy when I chop up logs! I want candy!"

Whisky next post, I promise! And no, Tracy and I weren't drunk when we went to Walmart, although we were laughing so hard and taking pictures of chocolate, so the employees probably thought we were. I figure some of them were, so what the hell.

"I want candy when I stock the shelves, I want candy for Santa's elves, I want candy!"