Tuesday, September 23, 2008

The Putin Who Stole Halloween

In an effort to protect Russian youth from the evil influence of the West, the Russian parliament wants to ban Halloween and Valentine's Day. That evil Valentine's Day thing will really corrupt those young people! All those hearts and flowers - EVIL, EVIL!!

I say ban away, Putin! Tell your people they can't have it, and they will want it all the more. Go West, young Russians! Go West!

For those of us who love Halloween (and will be indulging in the evil celebration by eating candy - oh so subversive!), here are a few facts:

The average American household spends $44 on Halloween candy.

The favorite candy bar of Trick or Treaters is Snickers.

Chocolate is preferred by 50 percent of Trick or Treaters,
non-chocolate candy by 24 percent,
and gum by 10 percent (these are mutant children).

Kids' least favorite items to get in their trick-or-treat bags were fruit and salty snacks like chips and pretzels. (I always hated raisins - it's Halloween for God's sake!)

90% of parents admit to sneaking candy out of their kids trick or treat bags. (Now parents, that ain't sneaking, that's STEALING! Buy your own candy!)

Kids ages 6-11 years old say if they were given lots of candy, they would:
Share some with their family, 66 percent (if they didn't STEAL it all!)
Share the candy with their friends, 64 percent
Give some to their teacher, 26 percent (Who ARE these little suck-ups?)
Keep it all for themselves, 7 percent (I love these kids!)
Don't know what they would do, 2 percent (The mere thought of having lots of candy blows their little minds. Meanwhile their parents are "sneaking" all their candy.)

The whole thing about razors in apples and random poisonings of candy by madmen - urban legends! No lie! Research it if you don't believe me: http://www.snopes.com/horrors/poison/halloween.asp

(Probably something the Russians made up.)

Life is short - celebrate Halloween - all its fun and costumes and candy and traditions. And, maybe most of all, celebrate the fact that you are free to do it.


Heidi said...

I remember being 10 and my parents going through all of the candy to make sure it wasn't "poisoned." Little did I know they were pulling a fast one on me. And my dad was a pastor! No chocolate is safe at Halloween.
You're right that by banning the holidays in Russia, they will only fuel the desire for all things Western. Why can't people figure these things out? It has been proven time again that you always want what you can't have.

Ida said...

I agree lets celebrate halloween. I make sure my kids candys are all indivually wrapped. (this helps prevent tampering)