Monday, December 22, 2008

I am a Marshmallow Brain

I bought myself a flat screen TV for Christmas. I figured they are much cheaper than they have been (I got a 50 inch for under $1,000) and hey, they are cool! (Heidi and Brent - thanks for showing me the light! Seeing Spider Man at your house in high def made me realize how crummy my TV was.)

Anyway, this seemingly simple task required a global effort. It was probably manufactured in China, the guys that delivered it were from Kenya, and the satellite guys were from Vietnam. The problem was the satellite. The guys spent three hours trying to get my two sets to work. They got one to work, but not the other. Now you know how this goes, right? They say they will be there between 12 and 5, so you are stuck. These guys were with me from 3 until after 6. They promised to come back around 2:00 the next day. At 3:00 I called, they said they would be here soon. At 4:30 I called again, they promised 5:15. At 6:00 pm I called again! At 6:30 they show up.

Apparently I have a hard time understanding Vietnamese. And it was starting to piss me off.

They show up, they seem to fix the second set. They take off. I even tip them!

I wish I had that $20 back.

The first set starts rebooting at random intervals, in the middle of shows. This process takes approximately 10 minutes. I curse the entire nation of Vietnam. And Jane Fonda. Bitch.

Now I have to stay at my house for a third day. The time frame this time is 8 to 12. The guy (a manager this time and from the United States) arrives just after 12. Now he was a nice guy, I liked him, until he proceed to talk on his Blue Tooth the entire time he was at my house. I wanted to say, "Dude! Focus! This will go so much faster if you just fix my set!" Plus I think it was rude. You're in my house, if I'm talking to you, don't start talking to some one else! I have to be at home while his guy routes all his drivers? An hour and a half later, he leaves. All he did was replace a faulty box. If he had gotten off the phone it would have taken about 15 minutes. Maybe Vietnamese isn't so bad.

I'm thinking I'm done - I had ordered an HD DVD player that was recommended by reviews on online, I got it all set up and I was ready to rock and roll! Merry Christmas to me!!

Today I swing by Target and notice they have DVDs on sale. Great - I'll get one to watch on Christmas! I see all the BlueRay disks. A sign says if you have a high definition TV, you are wasting your time with anything less than Blue Ray. I see a lot of Blue Ray. It's Target, not some electronics store. Blue Ray is obviously the standard. I'm not sure my player is Blue Ray. CRAP!

I immediately leave Target, go home and look at my player. No Blue Ray. This is such a nightmare - what a time-sucking black hole!! Why don't the sites online help Marshmallow Brains like me? Tell me Blue Ray is the standard! I dig the box out of the trash, pack up the player, print the return labels and research Blue Ray players. I find one - the low price is at Best Buy.

I box up the old DVD player (which I now have to take to a UPS drop off point). I go to Best Buy. The good news? The Blue Ray player is on sale! The bad news? I have to go to Knightdale to get it. (This was after I dragged one of the four register people who were standing around talking to each other to the Home Theater section. The guy there was swamped. They had to help me figure out where the player was.) You would think in this economy customer service would be a priority. Hello Best Buy? If you go out of business, it might be because you deserve to!!! (Hello, Chrysler, can you hear me now?)

Oh hell, I'm on a mission now - I WILL get this TV project finished if it kills me so I can watch a freakin' High Definition DVD on Christmas. I WILL EXECUTE!! I drive to Knightdale. I have already paid for this at the first store - no way was I driving all the way to Knightdale just to find out they sold them all! (According to guy at the first store, the Knightdale store had five.)

Let me also say that traffic everywhere was getting to be crazy and people were looking a little manic. As was I!

I walk in the Knightdale store. There's a guy stationed in the front of Best Buy to stop you from stealing (that must be the only reason because this guy was not the brightest bulb on the tree). I walked up to him and said, "Can I ask you a question?" He looked as if I just said, "Will you adopt me?" I continued past his stupefied look and said, "If I have already paid for something at another Best Buy, where would I pick it up?" He pointed at the customer service desk a few feet away. Apparently he is from neither Kenya nor Vietnam, but the Land of the Nonspeaking Idiots.

I go over to customer service. Someone has pulled my Blue Ray player! The guy at the first store said it would be waiting up front for me. I am pleasantly surprised. But this is one that has been opened and returned. Luckily the customer service woman sees this and calls someone up to get another. This person mumbles something like "I tried to find one..." I say, "The other store said you had FIVE!" I am starting to think about Jane Fonda again.

I wait. And wait some more. The store is big, but not that big. I start to wonder if the guy has gone on break or to Kenya, China, or Vietnam. I am wondering if I will have to raise a little hell about this. My body language has gone from hopeful to irritated.

Luckily for all of us, the guy shows up with a nice new Blue Ray player. I head out.

But I don't get out. The man at the door (from the Land of the Nonspeaking Idiots) who I have been in sight of the entire time, stops me and asks to see my receipt. (I think, "You have got to be kidding - you've been watching me for all this time! I've been five feet away!") The receipt is in my hand - I give it to him. He gives the receipt the same look he gave me earlier. He looks like a caveman who has discovered fire. I have just about had it. I say (apparently in Vietnamese), "Is there a problem?" He says "Um, uh, no, okay..." I walk out. I want to Napalm Best Buy.

I drive to the UPS drop off place and leave the old DVD player for return. All the time cursing my Marshmallow Brain. If I had just paid more attention, researched more carefully, grrr, grr, grrr. I, too, am an Idiot.

I get home. This player is by Panasonic. My new TV is also by Panasonic. The set up is easy. It looks great. I am happy. Until I find the remote for the first DVD player. I want to Napalm myself.

In celebration of my Marshmallow Brain, let's talk Christmas Marshmallow:

There are very festive - and a great low cal snack - you can have 14 for only 100 calories!! Woo Wee! I think these would rock in hot chocolate. Here they are outside of the bag:

Aww - how sweet they are. Not perfect, but not bad. There are fairly small - about the size of a quarter. For that size the shape is pretty good.

Now you can't talk about marshmallow and not talk about Peeps!! Look at these babies!!!

Look at that green! Wow! I tried both of these. The stars were amazingly fresh - nice and soft. That's the way I like my Peeps. But the taste - ugh. Now remember, mint is not my favorite, but these tasted like toothpaste. I ate one bite only. (And that's saying something! And not something good!)

The trees taste better, but the ones I got were stale. I don't like stale Peeps, especially since I've been ruined by eating hot Peeps off the line.

But here's the funny shot:

Ha, ha, ha!! Who would have thought both companies would basically do the same thing? And comparing the two just cracks me up! Look how little that Kraft tree looks in comparison to the Peep tree! It's like Reese Witherspoon and Ru Paul!

Advice - skip the Peep stars, get some of those little Kraft guys for your coffee or hot cocoa. Because who doesn't love the smell of coffee in the morning?


Heidi said...

oh. my. gosh.


If you didn't, I am sending a large box of marshmellows to your house.

Some recommendations? Anything sci-fi with outer space shots (new star trek stuff is fun to watch), anything action-hero with big blow up scenes, and anything Harry Potter.

Of course, I have requested a Blu-Ray version of the new Prince Caspian movie and am HOPING I can spend the entire day watching it over and over! Blu Ray is awesome -- I hope you enjoy it as much as we do!!!

Love ya, girl. Have a Merry Christmas despite the desire to Napalm the world (and Jane Fonda).

Denise Ryan said...

Yes!!!! I did - I actually got two. And thanks to people posting on the 'Net when I did my research, I got the $50 cable to have to have to connect the player to the TV. I probably would have killed someone if I came home without it. Ah - technology.

Thanks for the movie recs - I love you too!!!!