Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Hell Has Frozen Over

Those of you who have followed my dating travails (endless match.com dates, speed dating, horrifying singles events, etc.) are going to be shocked. After 13 years of seeking, I have finally found the ever-elusive good guy who is not a geek, boring or gay. This guy (Tim) rides a Harley, has a good job, is great with his kids (and sweet to his mom), is tall, handsome, smart, loves candy, and most importantly, likes me! We have a blast together and that is why I have been completely off the grid since my last post.

This is us at the Renaissance Faire (with his cute son Brett - good looks run in the family, he has a lovely daughter too):

But I have not been off the sugar train.  Tim was with me when I saw an add for Krispy Kreme's snowman donuts and I said how much I wanted to try them.  I think I licked the picture.  I knew he was the man for me when several days later, out of the blue, he suggested we go by Krispy Kreme and get the snowman donuts.  Clearly he is my soul mate.

And these donuts are amazing - no filling, but sooooo good with the frosting.  Can anything really be better than a warm, frosted, glazed donut on a cold morning?  And how cute are they?

These didn't last long.  But any man who shares my love of lard and sugar is a keeper!

Remember the Grove Park Inn's national gingerbread competition from last year?  Well this year I took Tim (another bonus, a man who will go to a gingerbread house competition).  He is the best!

Here's the first prize ribbon:

And here's the first prize gingerbread creation:

Gorgeous Christmas nesting dolls made out of gingerbread.  So perfect!  There were plenty more fantastic creations - a rocking horse that looked as if it were made out of wood, not gingerbread; several amazingly detailed houses - so much fun!  And we got to drink hot chocolate, eat gingerbread and watch it snow.  Finally a romantic Christmas!!  Usually I'm off on a solo trip somewhere - it's so much better to have someone to celebrate the season with.

I don't want to be one of those sappy people who go on and on about their good fortune, but I do want to share some tips for those of you who may not yet have the relationship you dream of:

1.) Don't give up.  I've been single since my divorce 13 years ago.  I've been on more bad dates than anyone should have to endure.  But every single one of them was worth it - they make me really appreciate the man I've finally found.  And all that BS about stop looking and then it will happen?  Well, if I had taken my match.com profile down, we would have never found each other.  Keep doing something!  The UPS person is not your only option!

2.) Don't settle.  You'll meet plenty of people who just don't want to be alone.  They just want to be with someone, anyone.  You don't want that - you want to hold out for the one who wants to be with you.  Someone who loves you with all your crazy quirks - hell, someone who loves you because of all your crazy quirks.

3.) When it's right, you'll know it.  There's no drama.  There's trust and openness, and in this case, a whole lot of laughter.  Angst, worry, doubt - those are all signals that it's not right.  It was weird, but the feeling I had on our first date was that I had come home.

4.) Being alone is better than being with the wrong person.  I've been with the wrong person, with several wrong people and it's awful.  Broken promises, lack of trust, no real talk of the future, secrets, lies - all of it makes you feel bad, makes you doubt yourself.  A good relationship makes you feel better about yourself.  You feel like you're part of a team.  It's full of openness and light. You can be lonelier with the wrong person than you will ever be by yourself.  If you can learn to walk alone, you can hold out for all the love you deserve.

5.) The Universe doesn't work on our time table.  Thirteen years was a long, long time to me.  I went through my mother's death alone, I went through hip surgery with no one to hold my hand.  There were so many times when I would be the only one at a function without a date.  Just because you want something doesn't mean you'll get it when you want it.  Try hard, treat others as you would like to be treated, and keep holding your hand out.  Someday the right person will take it.

6.) Choose your associates wisely.  The people you let share your life will have a huge impact on it, for better or worse.  Don't be afraid to walk away from those who cause you pain.  You'll free up time and space for those who can bring you joy.


Jim Thompson said...

To awesome. Merry Christmas!!!

Denise Ryan said...

Thanks, Jim!!!! I know you can relate! Happy New Year! And thanks for the comment!

Cheryl G. said...

Wow! I've been stalking your blog waiting for a new post, I knew something good had happened. I'm very, very happy for you-both.

Denise Ryan said...

Hi Cherly - thanks so much for the comment and for the good wishes!!! I really appreciate it! Happy New Year!

Marcia Ladd said...

Denise -- What a great blog, having gone through the trauma of being single, dating endlessly and finally finding a wonderful man I can totally empathize with your wise words, and ended up sharing them with several single friends of mine. Congratulations, I am very happy for you.

Kris, in New England said...


Denise Ryan said...

Thanks, Kris! Can you believe it????

diane said...

If Hell has frozen over, girlfriend, then you are The newest gold medal skater!! I'm so happy for you, and too bad the weather kept us from meeting him. I'm looking forward to your next trip this direction. :)

Denise Ryan said...

Marcia - thanks so much!!!!! I'm so glad you found someone terrific - it's a great thing when you do. And thanks so much for spreading the word - singles need support!! : )

Denise Ryan said...

Diane - thanks so much! I hate we missed you too! I think you'd like him - and I know he'd love you!! Hopefully we'll get together soon!