The Last Halloween Review

I'm so sad to see Halloween go! I'll be giving out candy tomorrow for those few young souls still brave enough to go door-to-door. Then - poof - it will be over. But not yet!!!

Here's my last Halloween find:

I think Peeps are a riot - I love them! Soft and sweet!! Freshness is key - they are so good stale. (To me - I know some people who prefer them stale!). And I was so excited to find these Cocoa Cats - they are pretty darn good! Low calorie, chocolate flavor, and look at those little eyes and whiskers!! How can you not be entertained by these??

And here's the really cool thing!!!! My good buddy Karen has Just Born (the company that makes Peeps) as a client. I'm going to get to see the factory!! It's not open to the public, so this is pretty damn exciting!! I am so hoping I'll get to see them squeeze out the marshmallow, paint on the eyes - yay!! And I really want to eat a Peep hot off the line! Woowee!!!!

Next weekend I head up to NY for the Chocolate Show http://www.chocolateshow.com/ and then on the way back, I'm stopping in PA to tour the factory. I'll have some great stories to share with you when I get back!!

Here are some thoughts for Halloween:

Give out candy!!! Even if just a few kids come by - it will make their night. And it really is fun - most of them as so cute!

Eat some candy! My friend Leann at Lake Champlain Chocolates says that Halloween candy eaten on Halloween has no calories. (And she should know - she's a professional!)

Watch a scary movie! There are several on TV Halloween night - make some popcorn and have some fun.

Do something to celebrate the day - life is short!! Have some fun along the way!!

Happy Halloween!!

Halloween and Love

Thanks so much for all the comments and e-mails! You all are terrific!! Every cloud does have a silver lining - now I know how many people out there care about me. It means more than you all know.

But enough of that - this is the best candy week going! I thought in the spirit of the holiday, I would share some childhood memories with you. I bet if you read this blog, Halloween was one of your favorite holidays as a kid too! I hope this brings back some fond memories.

Halloween - to this day, my childhood memories of Halloween are my favorites. I have a little brother and we would always go Trick or Treating together. One year we went as Lady and the Tramp (I being the tramp and he being the lady - he was about 10 and it was hilarious). Seeing him walk in my Mom’s high heels was something else! Equally funny was the year I made my own robot costume - a giant box covered with tin foil. I could neither see nor run.

But Halloween was never about the costumes or the nice people at their doors, it was all about the candy for me. Beautiful, delicious, forbidden, FREE candy. The one day a year when you could go out and get everything your parents wouldn’t let you have in quantities that were unimaginable. When I was a kid, EVERYBODY gave out candy. And everybody gave something different. It was like a beautiful dream. I’m getting teary eyed just thinking about it.

My favorite part was when we got home (I always had an orange plastic jack-o-lantern to carry my candy) and sat in the middle of the living room floor and dumped out all the candy. There it was - all shapes and sizes and colors - candy you loved, candy you never tried before, and so much candy! I felt like the king of the world!!!

Of course, there can never be enough candy, so I would immediately start pressuring my brother to give me some of his candy. The wheeling and dealing would begin! He liked Pixy sticks, I liked chocolate. But I’d have to give up multiple Pixy Sticks for one miniature bar. My Dad was totally egging this entire thing on while trying to snag a piece or two for himself. I think this was the closest my family was all year - united by our fascination with and love of candy.

For days afterward I would again look at my entire haul and mourn its slow passing. I would think about my candy all day at school and couldn’t wait to get home to it. (I think I actually worshipped my Halloween candy.) Now that I look back on it, my relationship with my Halloween candy might have been the greatest love affair of my life.

Happy Halloween!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How to Motivate Yourself or Something Scary This Way Comes

Since I'm a motivational speaker (and am usually truly in a good mood) people ask, "Do you EVER have a bad day?" Of course I do. Today was a bad day. You're going to get to watch me motivate myself out of it.

It didn't start out as a bad day - it started out as a fine day. Even driving over to the hospital I admired the gorgeous fall leaves and the fact that it was finally getting cool. I LOVE fall weather.

I was going to the hospital for a nerve conduction test - I've been having some pain in my neck and this weird tingle that radiates down the nerves of my right arm. I also have some numbness in my right thumb. I thought it might be carpal tunnel (my Mom had it and I spend a ton of time at the computer.)

They started wearing me down at outpatient registration. They always ask for an emergency contact number. Well you know what? I don't have one. My Mom passed away, my Dad isn't coming, and I've asked a friend or two and they declined. I never really need this anyway. In most emergencies, I'll just have to dial 911. And if something happens to me at THE HOSPITAL, I hope they can handle it. They have no compassion when I say I don't have one. They just look at me like I'm an idiot, a freak. I feel a little blue. I try being nicer to the lady "helping" me. I cheer her up. She says are you self employed? (Like it's a bad thing.) I say yes. She says, "Then you got this insurance on your own?" (Like My Blue Cross policy is bad because I pay for it out of my own pocket.) She asks if I have met my deductible. I say not yet. I'm starting to feel like a criminal. I say I can pay whatever you want. She says - "They want us to get $100." (What the hell? Are we negotiating? What do other people pay?) I say fine and give her the money. She seems happy because I've been so nice - I feel diminished.

A nerve conduction test is not fun, by the way. They zap several areas (in this case my hand and arm) with electric current. It's like getting a lot of shocks along already tingly nerves. Not horrible, but nothing I want to do again if I can avoid it. But I'm cheerful and joking. The technician and I talk about how decrepit we are (she's only 35), she says she's going to paint flames on her wheelchair when she gets one. After the test, the technician tells me it's not carpal tunnel - I think this is good news and am happy.

Then the neurologist comes in. He is not festive at all. He doesn't return my smile. He mispronounces my name, calling me Denischia or something weird like that. I try to joke with him about the brain embroidered on his white coat. He doesn't even crack a smile. I get nothing. After a while I just quit joking. This part of the test involves sticking long thin needles into your muscles along the nerves. It hurts, especially in your hands. I have to get needles in both sides of my hand, my forearm, my triceps, my bicep, my deltoid, and three places in my neck. I still want to joke about Halloween and him being a voodoo doctor, but I don't have it in me anymore.

The results break my heart. I already have arthritis in my hip (which on the bad days is so painful it hurts to walk, sometimes I can't sleep), the Doctor says it's arthritis in my neck. The arthritis is wearing away the cartilage cushioning the disks and they are pressing on a nerve. I am 43 years old. What do you think this means for my future?

I'm scared now. I say to the Doctor - that's horrible news, can't it be carpal tunnel? He still doesn't laugh. He just agrees - and says there's nothing you can do about arthritis. (Something I already know.) He tells me to have my Doctor schedule an MRI so he can see if they might need to do some physical therapy or maybe operate if it's a bone spur. He says do it soon. Then he's gone.

I sit there thinking about the ramifications of this diagnosis. My entire life is built around my independence and I need a freakin' spine for that! I take a deep breath and race home to call my Doctor.

I get her nurse and explain the situation and ask if they will schedule the MRI for me. The nurse is irritated by the request - she unloads on me. I don't know why these Doctors always tell patients to have US call to set these tests up! Why don't they just call? She raves on. I say, "Are you saying I need to call the Doctor?" She says, "Yes!" I say, "But he's not my Doctor, I don't have his contact information, I just went over there because you all sent me to get the test. Can you give me his information?" She raves again - I don't have it, I don't understand why he couldn't just make a phone call! I say in a wavering voice - "Please tell me what to do - this is my SPINE - this is serious." (I'm scared, I want to tell her. It's my spine - it's everything!!!) She says she'll check with the Doctor and will call me back. Like it's an inconvenience. Like I'm doing this on purpose. Like I should know better. We hang up. For the first time, I burst into tears.

I am scared and I'm alone. It sucks. (Here's where you get to watch me motivate myself out of it.)

At first I don't want to be motivated out of it, I want to have a pity party. I want to feel sorry for myself. Then I want to beat myself up and tell myself how if I hadn't left my husband, been so picky about friends, about dates, that I would have someone and I wouldn't have to worry about dealing with this by myself. Then I want to feel sorry for myself again. Then I do what works.

1.) Accept it. It is what it is. I have that damn arthritis in my damn neck - I'll get the MRI and we'll do what we can. It is what it is. If it doesn't kill me, I'm going to be one strong woman before it's over. Damn it all - I'm one strong woman NOW.

2.) Reach out. I told my friend Kristina, who's a nurse, who's already calling a neurologist friend of hers. I feel better just because she cares. And I love her take action style - it inspires me. I'm also telling you - that makes me feel better.

3.) Learn about it. I already Goggled arthritis of the neck. Okay so I'm about 25 years younger than the average arthritis sufferer, but at least I'm not alone. Information is power. Information takes away fear.

4.) Get busy. I wanted to up upstairs and have a good cry. That would have been no help at all. I decided to get the mail, write this blog, and do some work instead. It is what it is, working myself into a deeper state of misery won't change a damn thing.

5.) Eat chocolate. I had two pieces of Dove Dark chocolate (can't those damn antioxidants kill that bastard arthritis?). I swear, if I develop a chocolate allergy, that's it, I'm ending it. But until then, chocolate tastes great and is a simple pleasure I deeply enjoy. This could be music, petting your cat, looking at your garden - it really is the simple things that bring us pleasure and ground us..

6.) Be grateful. It could be worse - MS, lupus, cancer. Do enough research of symptoms on the Internet and you'll be convinced you're dying. Arthritis is funny - it comes and goes. It might get worse, it might not. Right now, it's not so bad. I have a great life that I am very thankful for.

7.) Refuse fear and self-flagellation. I do not want to be with someone just because I'm worried about facing something scary alone. And I don't want anyone to be with me because they feel sorry for me. I have always said I would rather be alone than with the wrong people and I know in my heart that is the right path for me. Does it take great courage to walk that path sometimes? Hell yes! I will NEVER settle and if it's scary sometimes, so be it. An extraordinary life was never lived because someone was avoiding fear. Extraordinary lives are all about passing through the fear to get to the other side. The side where you can really be who you are, with the people you really want to be with, in the place you really want to be. Not the place you were too scared to leave or with the people you clung to for fear of being alone.

I feel soooo much better!!!! Sometimes I lose myself and I have to take a few minutes to find myself again. You can do the same thing when you have a bad day. It just means you lost yourself for a minute. Use the tips above to recall who you really are. Carpe diem! (And to hell with arthritis!)

The Great Pumpkin Cometh

I've been having so much fun trying all the new Halloween chocolates that I have lost track of time - I mean Halloween is almost here!! I'll have to wait another year for the Halloween adventure to continue! (But Christmas is coming up, then Valentine's Day, then Easter - oh, life is good!!!)

But Halloween isn't over yet! Let me introduce you to Cocoa Dolce Artisan Chocolates and their Cranky Jack-o-Lantern Assortment:

I ordered these from Dean & Deluca, I didn't see them on the Cocoa Dolce website http://www.cocoadolce.com/. Love the box - nice wax stamp - cool & elegant, nice fall colors. But check out the crankies! I adore these guys!

Look at that face - very cranky! These guys are very well done - little stem, great face, pumpkin ridges - fabulous aesthetics. And now for the great news - they taste delicious! And they are the perfect size - about the size of a 50 cent piece. There are 16 crankies in a box. They are handmade with organic chocolate and they are to die for.

The dark one is orange and Cassia cinnamon-infused dark chocolate ganache. The light one is gianduja filled. (I, neophyte that I am, had no clue what gianguja was, but I liked it!). So I checked it out on Wikipeidia: Gianduja (or, more commonly, gianduia) is a sweet chocolate containing about 50% hazelnut paste. It takes its name from Gianduja, a Carnival and marionette character who represents the archetypal Piedmontese, the Italian region where hazelnut confectionery is common. Don't say I never taught you anything.

Let me tell you, these chocolates are fabulous! I checked out the Cocoa Dolce website and I am so going to order more of their great stuff!! But pace yourself - these are made of all natural ingredients, so the shelf life is not long. (I actually knew what all the words in the ingredient list were! No chemicals!)

The fillings are light and fluffy, the outer shells, firm enough to hold the design, but still luscious. I could taste all the flavors - the orange and cinnamon and the hazel nut. And I love the name! (Cranky Jack-O-Lanterns). I may have found what I've been seeking - gourmet chocolates for the non-gourmet! Delicious chocolates that don't take themselves too seriously and can be appreciated by the common woman (or man). The Great Pumpkin really does exist! Linus, you were right!

Trying new things is fun! Try something new every day this week - even if it's just taking a different way home. WAKE UP - if you do what you have always done, you may very well fall asleep and miss your life.

This week is off to a great start!! Come back for more Halloween fun!

Choctoberfest

I went to Choctoberfest today. This was a great idea - held by a store named Ten Thousand Villages which describes itself as a Fair Trade Retailer. Their website says "Your fair trade purchase of handmade jewelry, home decor and gifts helps improve the lives of thousands of artisans in Asia, Africa, Latin America and the Middle East." Now that is a very PC idea. And hey, it sounds like capitalism to me and I'm all for capitalism.

I'll be honest, it's not really my kind of stuff. I buy things like they sell if I actually travel to the places they are made. I don't normally shop there. But I'll go anywhere for something called "Choctoberfest!" It was held to promote one of their fair trade companies - chocolatier Divine Chocolate. It was a great marketing idea. You went in and they handed you a little quiz about Divine Chocolate which could easily be answered if you walked throughout the store to find the answers. If you filled it out correctly, you got a tiny free sample.

Hey - free is good! The square was about one inch long and one half inch tall, and wrapped just like a big bar. Nice. The 70% dark was nice and smooth, but maybe a little boring? Very mild for a 70% dark. But very healthy!! And if you don't normally like dark chocolate, this may be the one for you!

They also were going to have a drawing for a cookbook, but when I tasted samples of some of the recipes, I had to buy one (I believe no chances should be taken where chocolate is concerned). These samples were my favorite thing - they were chocolate pumpkin spice cake (you know I was all over that!), No-Bake Chocolate Treats (these were like chocolate and oat balls), and I'm not exactly sure what the other two were. (I was hovering too much and I think the staff was on to me.) I think one was a zucchini chocolate cake and the other was another no-bake recipe. All were delish.

And the cookbook (The BitterSweet World of Chocolate, sumptuous recipes using fair trade chocolate) is cool - it's got great pictures of all the recipes (I HATE cookbooks with no pictures). And there are great articles and pictures about chocolate in between the recipes. (See link to your right - check it out!) Now this cookbook is $6.00 MORE at Ten Thousand Villages that it is on Amazon.com. So much for fair trade.

Divine Chocolate http://www.divinechocolateusa.com/ had a nice display and I bought three of their bars.

I like the wrapper design - apparently those designs are traditional West African Adinka Symbols each with its own special meaning. (I have no idea what the meanings are mind you.) When you open the wrapper, the whole inside is covered with the Divine Chocolate story - heavenly chocolate with a heart. It's a great idea - growing cacao beans is hard - the trees are fragile and prices can fluctuate and it can be hard to make a living. By forming a cooperative, several Ghanaian cocoa farmers can make a living producing this chocolate and they get to decide how to reinvest the profits in their communities.

That's all good and the chocolate is very affordable compared to some other fancy bars. These were $2.75. Vosges Bacon Bar was closer to $7.00!!

I already told you my thoughts on the Divine dark bar. The silver bar in the picture is milk chocolate with crisped rice. This was my favorite. These bars are way better than say a Nestle Crunch - the chocolate is much better, much smoother, but it doesn't blow you away. The brown wrapper in the picture is Hazelnut Milk Chocolate. Not bad at all, but again, doesn't blow you away. My least favorite was the Fruit and Nut Dark Chocolate. Boring dark with not enough fruit and nuts.

The verdict - perfectly good chocolate bars, but not spectacular. If you want a reasonably priced, decent bar that helps a good cause - go Divine.

More important to me was the event itself. I wasn't there very long, but what a blast! I was introduced to a new chocolate line and learned more about cacao farming and fair trade. I tried four different chocolate treats and got a cookbook. It was fun!! I'm telling you - get a hobby that captivates you and make some time to participate in it - everyday. Pick something that you think is fun and brings you joy. This is YOUR life - when are you going to start living it?

CSI Chocolate

It's Halloween - let's get back to the morgue.

Bwah, ha, ha!!!!!

First I showed you autopsy photos of Lake Champlain Truffles, now.....

These chocolate skulls are made exclusively for Williams-Sonoma by Valerie Confections. I love the description on the box:

The wizards at artisan chocolatier Valerie Confections put the magic in the macabre with this luscious chocolate skull collection. The haunted heads are hand made in small batches from premium Guittard chocolate that is tinted with colored cocoa butter in uncanny shades of midnight, bone and chocolate. When the chocolate reaches the proper temperature, candy makers pour it into custom molds, where it takes on the creepy details of empty eye sockets and sunken cheeks. No kidding! Look at these:

Pretty dang scary, huh? Excellent look! But I have to say, not so great taste. This chocolate is hard as a rock! Probably had to be to get such detail. I mean you can see individual teeth and the lines where the plates of bone connect in the skull!!! Great for effect, but no good to eat.

Once again, don't judge a chocolate by its wrapper. It's hard to stop ourselves though, isn't it? We make our greatest mistakes with people. Give too much power to the attractive and dismiss the unattractive.

Maybe it just goes back to the fact that we can seldom have it all. Something has to be sacrificed in one area to excel in another. We have to give up a little of the taste to achieve excellence in the artistry. We have to give up a little beauty to get more compassion. Know what's most important to you when choosing a chocolate, choosing a mate or making any choice. You can't have it all and have it all now. But you can learn from every choice you make and get better and better at choosing what works for you.

Alas, poor Yorick! Here's to the fact that we're all alive, can eat chocolate, and will live another day to choose again!!

Staying Up When You're Feeling Down

I wrote this article for my newsletter and my great friend Heidi said she loved it and I should reprint it here. I hope you all like it too!

We all have those days, days when we feel blue or stuck or otherwise not so good. Well, here are my best tips to feel better.

If you are tired, get some sleep!!! Many times life is soooo much better when you’re rested.

Focus on what you have to be grateful for. This helps me every time. (Think how lucky we are - hell, if nothing else, we're still breathing! And there is chocolate! and peanut butter and pumpkin!!)

Plan something fun or exciting. I believe we have to have something to look forward to. This does not have to be expensive; it just has to be something you enjoy.

Stop looking for want you want where you know you won’t find it. Keep trying to get someone to give you love who never has before? Go to someone else. Keep going to the job you hate looking for work satisfaction? Go somewhere else.

Have something in your life that NEVER fails to make you smile. This is probably not going to be a specific person—everybody has a bad day. I’m thinking of a movie or television show you love, (for me this is chocolate - writing about it, eating it, learning about it), a snuggly blanket, being outside—I don’t care what it is. Just find it and use it when you feel bad.

Stop trying to control what you can’t. Usually for me this is other people. I am always at my saddest when I’m trying to get someone to love me. Can’t be done. Let go. Do your best with what you can control.

Know thyself. For me, sometimes the best way to feel better is to get busy. Accomplishing something makes me feel better (it also gets my mind off my troubles). Maybe this would work for you too. Or maybe you need quiet time. Know what you need and give it to yourself.

Stop comparing—yourself to others, yourself to where you thought you’d be by now, blah, blah. Comparing never helps and ALWAYS makes you feel worse. You are where you are—focus on where YOU want to be—don’t let where others are concern you.

Remember the KISS Principle - Keep It Simple, Sweetheart. The holidays are coming - do what brings you joy. If you hate to cook, don't do it! There are no Holiday Police (including your Mother-In-Law). The only measure of a successful holiday is how much joy it brought you. When I start feeling overwhelmed, I ask myself what do I REALLY need to do now? Sometimes it's work, sometimes it's exercise, sometimes I need to sleep. KISS, KISS, KISS!!!

Candy Corn Kisses - very good, but awfully sweet! So damn fun & festive!!