Match.com and the Marshmallow

As my dating adventure continues (I had a second good date with the guy I like, but I'm taking that slow. Not sure if he's a playah or not. Will keep you posted.), I continue to get match.com messages. I got this one the other night:

"So this past weekend I'm working out with my trainer (i do that every day) and I see this beautiful woman smiling her way across the gym and working out. I've been in this gym for almost two years and I never spotted her before. I tell my trainer i think shes gorgious and that I'd kill to have her abs.Two days later, I decide to jump back on match after a 6 month break, and boom....here you are. Coincidence? I dont really believe in them.Our personalities fit, at least on paper. We both love adventure, food and the gym, and according to the match gods, we match up almost perfectly :) Wanna hang out and see what we see?"

Well, I'm game to check out any guy who thinks I'm gorgeous, even if he does spell it wrong.

What I find is a profile that says he is 49, but later says he really is 53, he just doesn't want to be cut out of searches that stop at 50. (HELLO - you are 53, you should be left out of those searches. Get over yourself!)

He then goes on to rail about women who are out of his specified age range of 35 to 48 (18 to 5 years younger than his real age) daring to contact him. That he has the age range for a reason and they should move on. Note to Madonna - you are too old, don't contact this man!

Now he exceeds my age range by three years (I'm 43, I prefer to date guys 38 to 48, but I recently bumped it up to 50. And I'll give anybody a chance, age is just a guideline for me. There are some older guys who are hot!). But how hypocritical of him! Don't contact him, but he can contact me. He also goes on to say:

Ladies I've been clear about the importance of health & taking care of yourself. If you aren't slim or toned, please understand we wont be a match. Save us both the uncomfortability of me saying no thanks.

I'm sorry - what a hypocritical jerk! I saw this guy in the gym and he is nowhere near "slim and toned." (Can you say "beer gut?")

After reading his profile, I send him the following message:

To use the words from your profile:

If you are outside of the ages I've listed, please move on.

Why wouldn't you practice what you so strongly preach?

He responded by blathering about how he wasn't the typical 53 year old man, blah, blah, blah. In other words - he's so hot, that other people's age ranges don't apply to him. But old (older than 48) women should not bother HIM. And God forbid if you aren't slim and toned, because honey, he's too hot to bother deleting your attempt at connection.

How repulsive!

I told his guy his age didn't bother me, but his words did. (And the truth is, I don't care about the beer gut necessarily either - a guy doesn't have to be perfectly fit to impress me. I'd rather have a man 20 pounds overweight than 20 pounds underweight. With this man, it's the HYPOCRISY!) He has since changed his profile and tried to convince me that he's really a nice guy, but it's too late. He's already shown me who he is. His actual situation doesn't merit his pickiness. I see this with a lot of guys - they think fit young women should date fat guys much older than they are. Apparently they either don't realize how overweight and old they really are (they think they look great for their age and thus feel free to basically lie about it) or they think hot younger women are desperate. HA! What do I need with some old fat guy with an ego the size of a small planet? EWWW!

Now, not all men on match.com are like this, not at all. There are many truly nice guys on there of all ages. It's just the wild west of dating and it is fascinating how people present themselves.

Here's what we're all looking for - someone who wants us for who we are, not what we look like. Someone who is kind - who won't kick us to the curb when we do get old or gain weight - hey, we all will. And someone who doesn't have have the ego of a rock start and the brain of a marshmallow.

And speaking of marshmallow, back to the EGGSTRAVAGANZA!!!!

These are See's Scotchmallow Eggs (more of their Easter candy ):

And look at these by NECCO! What in the world? I thought they only made stuff out of Sweethearts and NECCO wafer material! What are they doing in the marshmallow egg business? But how creative! These look like real egg cartons!

That is where the illusion ends, however:

When I opened this one (they are sealed in shrink-wrap) all the little eggs had fallen into one corner. Not looking so good. I also felt compelled to buy one of each color (white and yellow) thinking there might be some difference. Nope.

And, of course, Hershey has an entry:

No - I didn't go back to Russell Stover. I told you, I am trying to learn from my mistakes and not return to men who break my heart.

Here they are naked (Hershey, NECCO, and See's):

And here's the autopsy photo:

Okay - Hershey is first, NECCO (notice the odd yellowish hue) is second, and last is See's. You will see that See's (hee, hee) is actually packed with caramel. I was so excited by this because I ADORE caramel! Marshmallow I can take or leave, but caramel is another matter. Caramel I will never leave.

The results?

NECCO was not as horrible as I thought. Now that is not a rousing endorsement by any means. It was edible. And I like the size - fun to pop in your mouth.

See's - I hate this - was such a disappointment! The marshmallow was tough. I know - how can marshmallow be tough? It was - I even pulled one apart and just ate the marshmallow. Not so good. The caramel was average. WAH - I REALLY wanted these to be awesome! I do have five more. : (

Hershey's was the best of the lot. The marshmallow was fluffy - like a marshmallow should be and I just like that Hershey's chocolate taste.

But if you really want a kicking Easter Marshmallow (besides Peeps, of course, the ultimate Easter marshmallow, but I'm talking chocolate and marshmallow here). Get thee to the grocery store immediately!!!

That's my girl - Little Debbie - and these are just too damn good. I ate the entire box and was having a tough time not doing it in one sitting. It's the brownie/cookie-like base that makes these so awesome:

And they are only 140 calories each! Not a small amount if you eat the entire box, of course, but a good caloric deal for a big fat marshmallow covered cookie!

This Easter I wish you lots of marshmallow candy in your Easter basket and no marshmallow brains in your inbox.