A Grocery Cart Named Desire

My good friend Heidi Rafferty is the perfect wife and mother. The kind who not only runs a thriving business, but also bakes and takes amazing care of her family. She is also a drug dealer. She encouraged me to try Nutella and today I did. I am already hooked. Apparently there are many Nutella addicts - when I bought it at the grocery store today, I casually asked the young checker if he had tried it.

To my surprise, he not only said yes, but said it was like chocolate peanut butter. He said his favorite sandwich was Nutella, marshmallow fluff, peanut butter, and jelly! I said that sandwich would kill you. (See how subtle and diplomatic I am?) He responded (I kid you not) by quoting Einstein! (This was before I ate any Nutella, so I was not under the influence.) The grocery store checkout boy said "Well, Einstein said there's a penalty on all things we enjoy. Either we suffer in health or we suffer in soul or we get fat."

What the hell? I think my mouth was hanging open at this point (still Nutella-less). I laughed - surely Einstein didn't say anything about getting fat! I, of course, said this out loud to the checker and asked how he knew Einstein quotes anyway. This was a bizarre conversation and I really just wanted to get out of there and eat my Nutella. He quoted Einstein again - this time a more Einstein-ish quote and said (as if he were talking to a small child) that there were Web sites with quotes on the Internet.

Well, no kidding, Grocery Boy! My question was really why the heck would a young man randomly QUOTE Einstein and in relation to Nutella? What dimension had I slipped into? Was I in the grocery store or the Twilight Zone? But the next customer was demanding service, and the Einstein-quoting, Nutella eating grocery checker had to go.


I came home, and with something like reverence, opened my jar of Nutella. I spread some on a rice cake - I wanted to taste the Nutella, but not just eat gobs of it. Nutella is as full of fat and calories as peanut butter, and I don't want to become the poster child for Albert E's fat quote. Nutella is good and it would be really good with peanut butter. But it's a little rich for me. In other words, I won't be pulling a Marlon Brando, screaming "Nutella!, Nutella!" anytime soon. And speaking of fat...I digress.

I checked - the Grocery Store boy was right. That is an actual Einstein quote! Well, at least according to some sources on the 'Net. The quote they give is "The devil has put a penalty on all things we enjoy in life. Either we suffer in health or we suffer in soul or we get fat." I'm still not sold on Einstein saying this, but hey - maybe so. But since I am so subtle and diplomatic, I'm going to have to disagree with Albert Einstein. Check me out - disagreeing with a genius! "Wheee!!! Here I go!"

There is no penalty on all the things we enjoy in life. How about the beauty of a sunset? The sound of music? The kiss of a loved one? Even Nutella? With moderation and a little self control you can enjoy a lot of things without suffering in health, soul or getting fat. How pessimistic, bleak and flat out wrong that quote is!

I really don't think it was Einstein who said that. I think it was Marlon Brando.