Friday the 13th & Tootsie Rolls

I usually don't even notice when it's Friday the 13th. My birthday is on the 13th (May 13th) and it sometimes falls on a Friday and I think it's cool. But this Friday the 13th tried to kill me. Or perhaps tried to get me to kill myself and take a few others with me.

It started last night when Delta lost my luggage. Again. (And things had been going so well. We did sit on the tarmac for an hour, but the stewardess let me have THREE snacks!) I probably looked a bit crazed - there had been no time between flights to get anything to eat and I was chomping the breath mints in my purse and considering asking if anyone on board had spare food.

I had been at the luggage carousel for a long time when they announced, "Will the following passengers please come to the baggage claim office.." I just knew I was going to be one of them. Sure enough - the third name was Ryan. Damn it! If I could figure out how to get a business suit to fit in a tiny carry on and all my toiletries to fit in a gallon plastic zip lock, I'd never check a bag again! I was tired, hungry and aggravated. That is not a pretty combination for me and woe to the customer service person who crosses my path.

But this guy was nice. He smiled! He said he was really sorry. He wasn't bitter. So it was okay. No killing. Yet.

I got home sans luggage and checked my e-mail. I am seeing an awesome man who is serving overseas and had ordered him a box of goodies which included (for a fee) a personalized card. I had spent some time uploading a cool pic and coming up with a good message for this card. I remembered he should have gotten this by now, so I go to check on the status of the order. It shipped a while ago, but the card was printed wrong - somehow it had used someone else's card with another woman's picture and she was making a peace sign! I was furious! Can you imagine? You get a box, with a card made out to someone else, from someone you don't know who is flashing a peace sign while you're fighting a war! I want the pic of ME in there, not one of some other woman!! (Remember I'm even more tired and hungry now and when I call the company - the recording informs me of their customer service hours, i.e. NOT now.) I weep with frustration. I want to kill the woman making the peace sign.

Then the real Friday the 13th arrives. I can't brush my teeth because my toothbrush is IN MY LUGGAGE. I take out my contacts and can't see a damn thing because my glasses are IN MY LUGGAGE. I am teetering on the edge of a pity party, feeling totally sorry for myself. I realize I need to get my exhausted, blind, pissed off self into bed. I sleep like crap.

The nice man at Delta told me to call if my luggage hadn't arrived by 11:00 am. It hadn't. I call and get the computer "person." It repeats my claim number, and says "right?" I say, "Right." It says, "I'm sorry, I did not understand you." I scream, "Right!" It can't understand me. I try screaming yes. "Yes! Yes!" It can't understand me. I am sooooooo angry all over again. I hate Delta. I want to kill someone, anyone. Preferably the person who invented those computer "people." Bastard. Then I get a human from India. Things go straight to hell. He tells me to call back after 2:00 pm. I can't even go to the damn airport and get my own luggage. I hate India.

While dealing with India man, I am returning some books I ordered from Amazon.com. Six books from four different orders all made in the last couple of weeks. I want to return them in one box. I can't figure out how to do this on their web site. It seems I have to print a different mailing label for each of the four orders. The web site is crazy slow for some reason and between this and India man, I am losing my mind. I give up on the web site and after I get off the phone with India, I call Amazon.

Kill me. I can't do it. I have to send the six books back in four different boxes. I talk to the customer service rep as if she were a small child. I tell her it's insane - they are going to charge me a fortune in return shipping. She is nice (she also has a weird accent - I have no idea what country she's in), but I have no choice. Even though she's nice, I want to kill her.

At 2:00 pm, I call about the luggage. It is here and with the delivery company. They have until 10:00 pm to deliver it. They cannot give me a time - it will be there sometime between now (2:00 pm) and 10:00 pm. I think my eye balls are bleeding.

At 4:00 pm, I get a call from the guy who's going to be delivering my luggage to verify my address. (I'd already done this at the airport and with India man, but why stop now?) I verify it again - I am the Queen of Sarcasm and I talk to him also as if he were a small child. I have accepted that I am going to hell for this. Without luggage. He complains about how busy he is. One of my eyeballs pops out. I want to kill him. He brings my luggage at 6:30 pm.

I am eating Tootsie Rolls right now. They are in little American flag wrappers for the 4th of July. I love the Tootsie Roll. And I realize that a world where I can spend an evening eating Tootsie Rolls is a damn fine world. And I don't want to kill anyone.