The Christmas Orange

Did you ever get fruit in your stocking as a kid? I think my Mom (oops, I mean Santa) tried it once and we bitched and moaned so much she never did it again. Who the hell wants FRUIT in their stocking on Christmas? Might as well put coal in there. I want Reese's. Lots of Reese's. And don't take up space by putting batteries in there.

But if you are bound and determined to put an orange in there, there has been a good alternative (I reviewed it last year) - Terry's Chocolate Orange. I was stunned last year to see that you had to beat the thing to get it to "open" into slices, but I'm a veteran now. I didn't try something stupid like hitting it with a stapler. I just slammed these mothers right into a table. More holiday violence! What is wrong with me?

So what's new this year? Well, Terry's has a new variety and everybody and their brother is trying to get in on the action.

Terry's has toffee crunch:

The interior instruction wrapper:

Whack? I tried whacking it last year, I'm telling you, you have to slam them into a table. Here's what Terry's looks like before the slam:

And after:

As you'll see Terry's breaks apart the best. It also looks the best before you break it. Terry's (now owned by Kraft) has the process down.

When I first opened the box I was hit with the citrus smell of orange. I have to tell you, I was thinking this just might be toffee. Not orange toffee. And while I like it better than the non-toffee orange, it's still too orangy for me. But better than a real orange, mind you. Chocolate and toffee are involved.

Ferrara Pan (maker of the Atomic Fireball) has jumped into the chocolate game and they too have a toffee crunch orange:

Burst then enjoy? What the hell does "burst" mean? I like "whack and unwrap" better but I guess you can only steal so much. How about "Beat then Eat?" Or "Slam then Cram?"

Not as pretty as Terry's:

And much more carnage after the bursting. It's hard to really tell from the pics, but Terry's comes apart much better. This one was just toffee, no orange flavor. But the chocolate was waxy and the toffee in Terry's was better. I am totally unimpressed and while I hate the orange flavor, I choose Terry's over this.

Ferrara also has a Dark Orange:

Another "bursting" disaster. I still can't get some of these slices apart. But the dark chocolate/orange combo works better than the milk chocolate/orange combo. I often find that with fruit flavors, dark chocolate is a better pairing. The fruit is already sweet enough, it doesn't need milk chocolate. But this isn't the best dark chocolate in the world. However, it's better than the milk chocolate offering by Terry's only becuase of the better flavor combo.

And another contender - Florida Tropic! (I reviewed their Key Lime a month or so ago.) Their orange just says 70% cacao dark chocolate:

Well, maybe this works? Although if you've never had some of these do you know the hand is slamming? Or does it just look like it's just squeezing?

The lamest of all the "breaks" - they have no skill in the molding of this "orange." It is dark chocolate and no orange flavor. It's okay - it's not doing a whole lot for me. In fact, why bother? It's not fun to slam. It has no orange taste, no toffee, and you can get a lot better dark chocolate elsewhere. But if you insist on having a damn orange, so ahead. Wait! I think I'd rather have batteries.